Face it!
by Mini Sweety
Summary: What would you do if your parents died, your brother belongs in an insane asylum and your best friend's suicidal? A story of a how a girl deals with her life as an outcast, with or without the assistance of the mysterious stranger...[Ful sum. Inside]
1. My Life

**Author's Note: **_Another angst story… I don't know if this one will have as much meaning as Last Minute of Life did but this is another story that wouldn't leave me alone for a while…_

**_Summary: What would you do if your whole life revolved around your brother and your best friend? What would you do if your parents died, your brother belongs in an insane asylum and your best friend's suicidal? This is the story of a how a girl—scum of school, failure of society—deals with her life as an outcast, and you realize that life isn't like what we read in stories at all. But you still have to face it… with or without the assistance of the mysterious stranger… who helps you… but is ashamed of being seen with you._**

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**Chapter One**

_My Life_

Beta-Reader: Manuca

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My mom is dead, my dad is in a coma, my brother belongs in an insane asylum and my best friend is suicidal.

I am nothing like them, but because they're what my life revolves around, I am labelled as an outcast.

I have very little friends, and even fewer real ones who actually care.

I try dressing in bright colours and dye my hair red, because I want to show others that it's not right judging a book by its cover. Like me. I dress like the sunshine, yet I hide so many dark secrets.

But it didn't seem to help at all. I am still an outcast, a loner, someone nobody cares about...

This is my story.

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For my entire life—or for as long as I can remember—I have been alone. My mom died when I was two, my dad slipped in a coma after a car accident when I was six, and when he didn't wake up for nearly three years, my brother went insane. He would mutter incoherent things all day, usually revolving dad. He would see delusional images of dad then speak to him and cry tears of happiness. There are times when he's conscious of real life. And when he is, he cries even more. He remembers how he's supposed to be someone I look up to, how he's supposed to be taking care of me, how he should be the one working to pay dad's medical bills and not me.

My name is Kinomoto Sakura, I am 14 years old, halfway into my first year of high school.

I know in stories you hear about how divided up high school is; of popular people, of outcasts and of how outcast can never be friends with popular people. Well I'm giving you a taste of truth right here, but I also can't lie. I won't lie about my life. And here's the truth: my school _is_ like that. Perhaps a bit more complex and full of social rules than most schools.

Here's how it goes:

There are basically four classes you can be,

You can be high, medium-high, medium-low, or just a plain outcast, the lowlifes.

The high class are basically the popular people you see in your school, consisting of cheerleaders, football players, soccer champions and etc. They are usually friends with all other high and medium-high class people and sometimes if they like the person, friends with some of the medium-low class members too. There are about 40 of them in school, and our school has about a total of 600 students.

Then you have your medium-high class people. They're almost the same as the high class people except they have to be careful around the high-class people. Normally, in friend way speaking, they'll judge you as the same, but when a real issue comes along, the high-class person's opinion always matter the most. There are perhaps 200 of those students around.

Bottom line: Don't piss them off.

After that it's the medium-low class. They're just your everyday people, but perhaps living in more fear than your everyday people. Your life would be normal as long as you kept out of everybody's business. Your main friends are people in the same class as you, and the other class people won't bother you. But sometimes, if a high or medium-high class person likes you, then you're allowed to be friends, and it won't bring shame to them.

However you must always be careful around them, because they have more authority than you, and if you make them angry, it won't just be a fight; they'll drop you to an outcast level. I have no idea how many of medium-lows there are, just as I have no idea how many outcasts are here. Maybe it's because we behave very much alike, the only difference is that it's not embarrassing to be seen hanging around them as it is with us.

Which bring us down to the low class. The outcast. The low class. The group I'm in. We are basically the shame and dirt of our school. If any other class people walk by us they pretend we don't exist. They'll run right into us and pretend nothing happened. We are not allowed to even _speak_ with people of any other class, not even the medium-low class.

The only friends we're allowed to have are other low class people. The only problem is that every other class people gets informed of who is an outcast, except for the actual outcasts themselves, so if you're not careful and makes the mistake of speaking with some who's not an outcast, then you're basically doomed.

Which is why, outcasts keep to themselves. They live a life of terrible fear. Rumours say all the other class people have a list of all the outcasts in the school. I also hear that your class can change depending on your behaviour, but I don't believe any outcasts have ever been brought up to a medium-low level.

Who decides these things? Even though I am kept out from all gossips and all talks, there's one thing the school is clear of (even the outcasts): besides these four levels, there is one level above the high level. It consists of three people. They basically own the school. Two guys and a girl. All three in grade 11, yet they have control even over the grade 12s. They usually keep it to themselves and hang with the high class, but they have the right to speak to any other class people, including the outcasts (If any other class says a word to an outcast, your level will be dropped), and you'd _better_ respond and suck up real good.

As far as I know, which is very little, their names are: Yamazaki Takashi, Li Syaoran, and Mihara Chiharu. They're the ones you have to real sweet to, but I've seen them through the halls a couple of times and it seems both guys are cooing over Mihara-sama. It makes me think that she's the actual, as in actual _actual _queen of the school.

But who am I to judge? Not even high-class people have a right to think about such things, who the hell do I think I am?

The bell rings.

_Lunch._

The most dreadful word.

I walked out of the class, limping slightly because I'm supporting almost my best friend's entire weight. People walked by us like we didn't exist. I waited in a cowering corner in the class until everyone has walked out and was gone.

Daidouji Tomoyo wasn't moving much, which meant I had to do the walking for both of us. Yeah, Tomoyo. That's my best friend. A suicidal but beautiful girl. I had known her since I was four and I love to her death. But a year ago her father left her mother for another woman and took all the money and house away from them. Now her mom's throwing unpredictable fits and when she does she would abuse Tomoyo. Tomoyo had always been a sweet, emotionally weak, rich girl. She's like glass, and her mother just dropped her from a five story high building. She's completely shattered.

I dragged her towards Kinomoto Touya's locker slowly, seeing the invisible tears that pour down her face, no matter what day, what night it is. Touya; that's my brother, the one who would be in an insane asylum right now if I had ever brought him even close to a hospital. Even though he's in grade 12, and outcasts usually don't stick past grade 10, my brother still is an outcast, perhaps one of the worst ones.

But something was wrong. Even for the life as an outcast. Somehow, people were on the side instead of walking in the middle of the hallway as they always do. In fact I think Tomoyo and I were the only ones still moving. They were frozen and for once looked _at_ me instead of through me. Something's wrong.

I turned around.

OH SHIT! 

Behind me at the end of the hall, dominating the ground was the Kings and Queen of the school, Mihara-sama was in the middle with Li-sama and Yamazaki-sama walking at the same pace slightly behind her, one on each side. Mihara-sama looked ready to kill; she's furious at something.

Every step was bold, every expression was powerful, every sway was attractive, and every speck on her was perfect. When she walked her hips swayed, her breasts bounced, her legs showing off their smoothness and creaminess. It's no wonder all the guys were in love with her.

"Tomoyo, move… we gotta move!" I muttered, pushing her as fast as I can. But she kept leaning the wrong way and it was difficult to get her to move at all, never mind at a certain direction. "Tomoyo… please…" I said, near tears when I heard footsteps approaching.

"Tomoyo… Tomoyo… I know you can hear me… maybe you don't care, but I do…" _Stomp, stomp, stomp, STOMP, STOMP, STOMP._ "Please! Move!"

A hard blow hit my head and I fell to the ground bring Tomoyo down with me. I managed to crouch but Tomoyo lay right across the floor.

The three of them stepped right _on_ her as they walked by. It was as if she was just a flat decoration on the floor.

"_HEY!" I cried standing up. Okay, I might be an outcast, but there's no way I'm letting anyone treat my best friend like that! "I SAID HEY! HOW DARE YOU TREAT HER THAT WAY?"_

_Slowly, they spun around with a smug and dangerous look on their face. "What did you say, bitch?"_

"_You heard me! Listen I don't care what you're thinking right now! Honestly, because I don't care about you! I want you to apologize to Tomoyo though!"_

_Mihara-sama—no, she doesn't deserve that name! Chiharu walked up and pinned my face to the ground. I was getting dirt in my mouth as she tried grinding my face with the floor. "Excuse me," she said sweetly, though spitting poison. "I'm afraid I didn't quite hear what you said, could you repeat it please?"_

_I coughed and gagged. I tried getting the words out of my mouth even if it killed me, but I couldn't. "A-ck… I—ck… I… sai…ck…"_

_I could feel her smiling. "Good girl." She let go of my face and stood up, ready to walk away._

_But I will not be humiliated like that. I stood up as fast as I could and I lunged at her. "BITCH!" I screamed as I jumped on her, tackling both of us onto the ground._

"_WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" She scratched me across the face and pushed my head back so hard I ended up falling backwards._

_A pair of hands grabbed my shoulder, pinned me on the ground and once again I was eating dirt._

_Chiharu's shirt and skirt was wrinkled but she was smirking. "Don't screw with me." She walked in front of me and kicked my face. It was then I realized she wasn't the one holding me down. She's gotten Takashi to do it for her. Or more like he voluntarily did because he knew that's what was expected of him from the Queen._

_She narrowed her eyes at me. Those beads of hatred. She yanked at my hair._

"_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"_

_With a force pushing me down now one pulling me up, it hurts. It hurts like hell._

"_YEAH BITCH, SCREAM! I WANT YOU TO KEEP SCREAMING YA HEAR?"_

"_Stop."_

_She was so stunned that she dropped my head straight to the ground. I think my nose is bleeding now._

"Excuse me_?" Her eyes were deathly as she glared daggers at Syaoran._

"_I said stop. You're hurting her." He walked in front of me and bent down. "You too, Takashi."_

_He let go of me, though slowly and reluctantly._

_I sat up with every bone in my body aching. I looked up and our eyes met. "You have very beautiful eyes." He told me._

"_Oh… thanks…" I told him quietly. Then, added, "I just want Chiharu to apologize to Tomoyo, is all…"_

"_Yeah?" He chuckled. "She won't. But I'll take her place." He walked up to Tomoyo and gently, he whispered. "So sorry about everything, girl. Shoulda treated you with more respect," He then turned back to me. "Happy?"_

"_Yeah," I muttered._

"_Good. You should smile, makes you prettier than you already are."_

_Could this really be happening? I thought to myself. He just complimented me… complimented me… wow! "Thank you…"_

_He was thoughtful for a bit. "Chiharu, Takashi you guys leave without me."_

"_What?"_

"_Yeah." He replied._

"_Fine." They replied walking away._

"_The rest of you, go."_

_And within seconds the entire hall was clear. It was just me and him. Uh, and Tomoyo. "Would you like to have lunch with me?"_

_I smiled. I did more than just smile. I swelled and threw my arms around him. "That sounds like fun…"_

_He didn't mind it. "Great, where would you like to go?"_

Okay, **stop.**

Stop, stop, stop, STOP! Stop this before it gets too far! Goddamnit what were you thinking?

You think that type of stuff really happen in real life, huh? Do you?

Well you know what? FACE IT! It doesn't! You've just been reading too many goddamn fairy tales!

First of all, I would _never_ have the guts to stand up to them. Two, I was just trying to make myself look brave fighting Mihara-sama and all. Truthfully, Mihara-sama would never do the fighting. Before a finger on me would land on her, the whole school would be jumping at me and defending her. And last, why the hell would Li-sama and _my_ eyes meet? Why now of all times?

If I really behaved like that, if it really would be love at first sight, don't you think our eyes would've met long before? And last, I admit, I do have a crush on Li-sama. God I know it's impossible but I love him. I really do. He's just so handsome. I know it's wrong to like a person just based on their looks, but as soon as I see him, I can't help it. I can't help but to fall in love.

I'm still huddling on the ground from when Mihara-sama knocked me over, and as those thoughts raced through my head, I closed my eyes, bit my lips and wanted to cry. There's no point in lying, but I also know that Li-sama is _way_ out of my league. As in _way_. It's hard enough to say hello to a medium-low class person, how the hell am I suppose to get him to fall in love with me?

They stepped on Tomoyo and kept walking, not slowing their pace, not stumbling. They must be really used to stepping on people.

They walked away.

I did nothing.

Except maybe after they were a safe distance away I pulled Tomoyo into a sitting position and moved her legs away from the middle of the floor.

At the end of the hall where the Kings and Queen were, I heard Mihara-sama's horrible, terrifying scream. Yeah, nice fantasy. As if I would really have the guts to stand up to her. Even if I did, one snarl from her, I'd cower. Mihara-sama's beautiful, sexy, but she's got the scariest anger problem I've ever seen.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? YOU THINK THIS IS A JOKE OR SOMETHING?"

Curiosity got the best of me and I peeked to see what was happening.

Li-sama was holding a 12th grader guy up against the wall as Chiharu yelled. "YOU SAID YOU KNEW! YOU SAID YOU'VE DONE THIS BEFORE! YOU SAID YOU WERE GOOD! SO WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT THEN, HUH?" She bellowed, throwing a 30-page report on his face. That must've hurt.

"I-I'm s-s-sorry, sorry Mi-Mihara-sa-sama… I, I tried I really did… I, I thought i-it was, was g-good…"

"WELL IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH AND YOU KNOW THAT NOW DON'T YOU?"

"Y-yes…" the boy answered feebly.

"APOLOGIZE!"

Li-sama pushed his face straight to the ground. "I-I-I'm s-so sorry, M-Mihara-s-sama, it'll never happen again, I-I pr-promise!"

She smirked. "You _promise_? It'll never happen again next time? THERE IS NO NEXT TIME YOU DIMWITTED RETARD! YOU THINK I'LL EVER FRIGGIN' TRUST YOU AGAIN?"

"N-No…" I felt sorry for him… he looked like he was ready to cry. But I didn't stand up for him. Such thoughts were _unthinkable_.

"NOW BECAUSE OF YOU I'M GETTING A 60 IN HISTORY YOU UNDERSTAND? SIXTY! MY MOM WILL _NOT_ ALLOW THAT AND YOU BETTER FIND SOMEWAY TO GET THE DAMN TEACHER TO CHANGE THE MARK! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO, JUST DO IT! UNDERSTAND!"

"Y-Yes…" the boy choked.

Mihara-sama softened. Or at least that's what it seemed. She picked up the report from the ground and put them into his hands. "Good. Now I want you to _eat_ it."

"W-What?"

"ARE YOU QUESTIONING MY ORDERS? EAT IT!"

Li-sama held his head off the ground as Yamazaki-sama ripped off a page, and stuffed it into his struggling mouth. "This is what 'eat it' means." He said in a monotone. "Now you do the rest. You really don't want me to feed you. Trust me. I just might lose my temper."

He nodded, and by now, he really was crying.

Mihara-sama randomly pointed at a couple standing near. "I trust you two to report to me his behaviour."

"YES MADAME!" The saluted and stood guarding the boy, making sure he ate every piece.

Mihara-sama was satisfied. She turned around and her two boys followed.

As they walked back, maybe Tomoyo thought it would be a fun joke or something, but just as they walked by, Tomoyo suddenly collapsed onto the ground, and her legs lashed out.

Mihara-sama wasn't expecting it. There was suddenly this leg in front of her.

She tripped.

My eyes went wide.

She never hit the ground of course, the second she started stumbling Li-sama reached out and held her, helping her to regain her balance. But he held her tighter and closer than needed, and just the sight of that made my heart ache.

She turned her face and stared at him straight in the eyes for quite a while, not asking him to loosen his hold around her waist. After a while, she gave a small, seductive smile. "Thanks." She said.

"My pleasure." He replied, letting go. And I hope to God there was no double meaning to that.

Mihara-sama spun around, and her expression changed almost immediately. She saw Tomoyo lay sprawled on the ground, bent down, held her up by the chin and pinned her throat to the lockers.

I watched, terrified.

But I did not come to her defence. If anything, I backed away. Maybe I am a cowered, but I can tell you this for sure: if you were in my situation, I can guarantee you wouldn't have gotten in their way either.

A group of people rolled up their sleeves walking towards Tomoyo, ready to beat the hell out of her. All Mihara-sama had to do was hold up a finger at them, telling them she wants to deal with this personally, and all of them frozen without moving another inch. "What the hell did you do that for?" Chiharu asked casually, but the tightness in her voice showed anything but that. She was so threatening and close that her lips were almost against Tomoyo's.

Tomoyo didn't care. No, if she didn't care for life, what else could she care for? She smirked a little, and spat on Mihara-sama's face.

Mihara-sama took a step back, stunned as she smashed Tomoyo's skull to the ground. Tomoyo let out a surprised yelp of pain.

"WHAT THE FRIGGIN' HELL WAS THAT?" Immediately girls rushed forth and began cleaning her face. "HOLD HER DOWN! I'M SO NOT DONE WITH HER YET!" With that, she scurried into the washroom with a bunch of girls as Yamazaki-sama pinned Tomoyo to the wall.

"You've got guts. I'll give you that much." He whispered. "But you're a dead girl."

She laughed. "If it wasn't for Sakura over there, I'd been a dead girl a year ago."

A minute later Mihara-sama came out with a perfectly clean face and put her face to Tomoyo's. "You're dead." She whispered.

"I was dead long ago." Tomoyo laughed again. "Go ahead, kill me, and see if I give a damn." She held out a knife from her pocket and threw it at Mihara-sama's feet.

Li-sama picked it up and handed it to her. She smiled malicious as she ran the blade across Tomoyo's face. A line of red began to appear.

I covered my mouth in horror. But still, I knew I could do nothing. But I am almost positive they won't kill Tomoyo.

"You're a brave little bitch, you know that?" Chiharu said, amused. "You really aren't afraid of death, but everyone's gotta be afraid of something…"

"Nothing." Tomoyo affirmed. "If I don't give a damn about life, I don't give a damn 'bout nothing."

"We'll see." Mihara-sama circled her a bit, then, coming to a decision, she grinned. "Spin her around, pin her chest on the wall." She took a couple of steps back until she was practically glued to Li-sama. She leaned back a bit more so that her head rested on his shoulder, and she whispered something in his ear.

He nodded. "I would care." He replied.

She smiled and walked back to Tomoyo. "What, gonna stab me in the back, you _backstabber_?" She snorted, laughing without a care.

"I'll wipe that smile off your face if it's the last thing I do." Her hand went up; the blade facing downwards, her hand came down.

The blade came and swiped across Tomoyo's long, beautiful grayish-black hair.

The soft tresses that had taken her over three years to grow fell around her.

I was mortified. But not nearly as much as Tomoyo. _God_.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Her high-pitched screaming rang across the hall. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" her voice was pitched and squeaky like I had never heard before. "NOOOOOOO! NOT MY HAIR! STOP!"

But Mihara-sama was laughing like a maniac as she went _cut, cut, cut!_ at Tomoyo's hair until she was practically bald. Tomoyo was struggling so much it took Yamazaki-sama and Li-sama together to hold her down.

"Well," Mihara said, admiring her screaming piece of art. "That's as much as I can go without making your pretty little head bleed." She laughed. "Who's laughing now, huh bitch?"

Tears were pouring down Tomoyo's face, she was going into shock. "DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU BITCH!"

Mihara-sama threw her head back and laughed. "Yes, damn me to hell. But for saying that, you're going to pay." Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse. Mihara-sama took the knife, and she began to cut the threads on Tomoyo's cloth.

Piece by piece, her blouse, her skirt, her bra and her underwear fell around her.

I couldn't watch anymore, the humiliation, the way the watchers laughed, and the way Mihara-sama laughed. I ran into the bathroom and slammed the door. I buried my face in my hands and I wish I could just vanish into a puff of smoke. I couldn't bear it.

Outside I could still hear the dreadful screaming, and the laughter.

Then, I heard Mihara-sama's voice. She was speaking to another random person again. "I want these cloths remade into panties, and I want you to give out as many as you can to grade 12 guys and I want them wearing them tomorrow with nothing else."

_God. How could she be so cruel?_ I thought to myself, near tears. At the same time I wanted to kill myself for not being able to stand up for Tomoyo just when she needed me the most. Instead, here I am, cowering in a bathroom.

What made this worse was that this wasn't just a laugh. Whatever Mihara-sama says, is done, and I know that by tomorrow, there _will_ be guys walking around wearing panties made from Tomoyo's clothing. And to make it worse, Tomoyo's naked for the rest of the day. I know she could go home, I know she should, but I also know for a fact that Mihara-sama would _never_ allow her to leave school.

_God._ I buried my face into my hands and fell onto the cold floor. Yet at the same time, I heard a small voice in my head, saying: _Gosh, I'm just so glad that it's not me…_

Sick, isn't it. There Tomoyo is, suffering probably the worst punishment, and I dare be relieved I wasn't in her position.

But that's just human nature. That's just the way I was programmed to be. I can't help it… I hate myself for this, at the same time I still feel the relief. Maybe I should've been the one who's suicidal, not her.

The sounds died away. I opened the bathroom door and peeked outside. All I saw was Tomoyo's naked body on her ground with her beautiful tress around her. God. How could they have the heart to do this?

Far away I hear giggling, and I see Mihara-sama laughing as Li-sama picked her up into his arms and twirled her around and around. He didn't laugh. In fact he rarely showed emotions. But he was half-smirking laughing now.

_And I'm in love with the guy._ I felt sick at myself. But it's just another one of those things that I can help but to accept. I fell across Tomoyo's body and I hugged her to me. "I told you…" she whispered to me in a completely soulless voice. "I told you there was a reason why I was suicidal…"

"No, Tomoyo… we'll get through this together… just survive today and tomorrow, and everything will be like it was before…" What am I to do? All I want to do is the right thing, but it just seems so hard to decide what is right.

Because everything, no matter how cruel, has a hint of 'right' in them.

**-**

**If you want me to email you the next update, LEAVE YOUR EMAIL in your REVIEW!**

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**Author's Note: **_This story genre should be more of a Angst/Tragedy/Romance rather than just Angst. I realize this as I read through it. God, I feel so bad for Tomoyo…_

_4622 Words._


	2. My Friends

**Author's Note:** _You'll notice there's some more... intelligent insults in here rather than just vulgar language... why? 'cause apparently the F word is rated M... -.- so I can't use it..._

_Late update, I know. Won't even bother w/ excuses this time. Let's just say I need 90 percent average in school and it's not easy._

)**Hitaru**( - um… E and T? No sorry… Eriol isn't gonna be in this story… xD

)**Tamia**( - May be you do defend people, but when the whole school is against you it may not be so easy.

)**Sash Ruby**( - Yeah, I do OOC stories… those non-OOC ones has been dug out, flipped over, and reburied way too many times. I'm lookin' for my own piece of fresh land. :P The day dream part in the middle I added because that's what I like doing… I dream way too much for my own good, and it's unhealthy, and it's about time a reality check came in.

)**amberlove**( - Oh goodness… no offence but I'm not a fan of Meteor Garden… to me it's just another typical Chinese drama… seen too much of those… besides all those dramas end up happily ever after… which is not gonna happen with this… or pretty any of my fics…

)**trd**( - first of all, I said it once, and I'll say it to YOU again. What are you afraid of ? I'm not gonna go bashing back at you. Next time you either leave your damn email, or if you're too chicken to, don't leave a review. And yes you're quite right, I might as well have made Sakura crippled and blind and had a car accident. But I didn't. And that says something doesn't it. You find it hard to put yourself in her shoes because you have an average life, and it's about time someone got a taste of what it means to be "bullied in school". Maybe I am taking it to the extreme, but things sadder than this _does_ happen. And just 'cause you never personally experienced it, doesn't mean it doesn't happen. And FYI some people love their family and wouldn't be able to stand to put them in a mental institute especially if they're not crazy 24/7. Maybe you would put ur family members there, but some people wouldn't. And I take it if you had a suicidal friend you'd let her die? Now A, that's selfish, B, that's against the law.

)**Reserva**( - asked this question a billion times. I don't hate the NAME Sakura, I hate her personality in CCS, which is why her personality is always modified in my stories.

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**Chapter Two**

_My Friends_

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I gave most of my cloth to Tomoyo. My jacket, my skirt and my shoes.

It was the least I could do. To share the rest of the embarrassment along with her, as much as I could.

By the time we made it to my brother, he was so shocked that he momentarily snapped out of his trance and forgot about dad and thought only of me.

"WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO YOURSELF!" He demanded, staring at me with wide eyes.

I had on only a pink t-shirt and a white underwear on plus some socks and shoes. "I couldn't leave her like that…" I muttered eyeing Tomoyo who was on the ground.

Touya looked at Tomoyo and nearly had a heart attack. "AND WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU! Oh God…" He muttered, kneeling in front of her and caressed her face gently. "Oh God Tomoyo… your hair… your cloth…" He put a hand over his face, and I knew he was crying. Crying for her, as my heart does everyday.

Touya took off his shirt and wrapped it around my waist as a sort of skirt.

A few students walked by and sniggered. I heard one girl whisper to her friends, "What's an outcast like that guy doing shirtless? What, he thinks he can attract friends with that nasty bare-chest of his?" And they giggled walking away.

Truthfully Touya wasn't ugly. In fact he was pretty decent. Handsome, even. And he had muscles; he worked out often before the incident with dad. But the girls said that, because they couldn't admit he was cute, because he was crazy, because he was unwanted, because he was rejected. It's cruel how society works, really.

We spent lunch with me leaning against Touya's shoulder, as he hugged Tomoyo tightly to him. In a way I think Tomoyo was as much of a sister to Touya as I was to him. I think to myself, sometimes, that if it wasn't because of the way we lived, the endless tragedies that occurred in our lives, I might have tried matching Touya together with Tomoyo. But nowadays, who has time to think about romance? Well, besides me, maybe… because I wasn't as disturbed as they were… of course I never told them about it… they would be disgusted with me, and I would become an outcast among outcasts.

Touya took a cap out of his locker and put it on Tomoyo's head. She looked half decent like that. If you didn't look too hard, that is. A bit of shaggy hair hung down the sides of her face. Well, that _is_ somewhat the current style, isn't it? He fed her some sushi I made for the three of us for lunch, then handed me some celery sticks as I chewed on it. The juice came into my mouth without taste and I swallowed without feeling. All I knew was that everywhere hurts. Nothing physical, but everything inside burns. God.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Tomoyo finally cried taking our lunch box and throwing it across the hall. Then she put her face against Touya's chest and howled. "WHY? WHY ME? WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE ME! WHY COULDN'T IT BE ANYONE ELSE? HUH? I DON'T CARE WHO ELSE HAS TO SUFFER IT BUT WHY ME? WHY! WHY COULDN'T CHIHARU LEAVE ME ALONE? WHY? I DID NOTHING TO HER! BUT SHE PICKS ON ME! AND WHY WON'T YOU PEOPLE JUST LET ME DIE, DAMMIT? WHY!"

At that moment I could've given her a million arguments, I could've told her that if she didn't try to trip Mihara-sama none of this would've happened. But I said nothing. Because I am still tortured by my restless conscience. Telling me that I should've defended her. Of course when it was happening, I knew that there was no way I could, and I didn't blame myself at all. However once it was all over, as I think the scene over and over again, the fright wears away, and I'm left thinking it wouldn't have been that bad if I had just said 'stop' to them.

Honestly. It's not like they glued me to the ground! It could've been so simple! Stretch my legs and say that one damn word! 'Stop!' Is it really that hard to say? No it's a damn word for Christ sakes! ONE DAMN WORD!

But let's face it, shall we? I didn't, because I'm a chicken, I didn't have the guts to say it… and I'm only human. I put my face in my own arms, for Touya was far too busy comforting Tomoyo. Not that I could blame him. What she suffered, deserves a life filled with colours and happiness and friends in return. But all she got, was a hug, from a grey soul; got the friendship, of a worthless girl; the beating of a bitch of a mother, and the neglect of her bastard of a father. The world's never fair.

A handkerchief floated down and landed on the top of my head. I blinked, and realized that tears had been sliding down my face. I looked up, and was surprised to see someone that wasn't Tomoyo nor Touya. The two of them were staring up at this stranger in shock too.

He was dressed completely in black. Black sweater, black hood, black baggy pants, pair of sunglasses, black gloves, and black shoes. In fact he was so covered in black I couldn't make out his hair colour or eyes colour or even his gender. But then his voice told me, that this guy, was much too masculine to be a girl.

"Wipe yourself." He said.

I turned away and held the handkerchief back to him. "I think you're new here… but in this school, I'm an outcast, and if you would like the rest of your school life to be pleasant, I think you should go. Thank you, for caring, but for your own good, you should leave."

He stared down at me, then walked over, and slumped down on the ground in front of the three of us. "I ain't afraid of nothing." He said. Then scooted closer to us and squeezed in between Touya and I.

Tomoyo was still shaking as she held tighter onto my brother.

"What grade are you in?" Touya asked suspiciously.

"Eleven."

"And how long have you been in this school?"

"Since grade 9."

Touya sniggered. "The only people who would have the guts to disobey the Kings and Queen, is one of the Kings and Queen themselves. Who the hell are you?" Touya growled.

He paused. "My name is… Xiao Lang."

"Xiao Lang? What kind of a name is that?"

He shrugged. "Chinese name. Got a problem, tough guy?"

"For someone who's trying to be helpful, you've certainly got a hell of an attitude."

"I wasn't trying to be helpful."

"SO WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!"

He was thoughtful again. "Ex… experimenting…"

"Experimenting with what?" I asked bitterly. "With The Kings and Queen of the school's patience?"

He smirked. He actually looked kinda handsome like that, that Xiao Lang… "Maybe…" He said. "What do you think of them?"

"The Rulers?"

"Ye."

"_Well, not much thoughts on Yamazaki-sama, or Mihara-sama, but you know that Li-sama? I think he's cute. You seem like a pretty confident guy. Would you happen to be friends with Li-sama? If you are, can you put in a good word about me to him? Please? I've been dreaming about him for a while now, in daydreams and at night. I mean would it be difficult for you to ask him to just go on one date with me? Really, that would make my life so much more worth living for… it's unbelievable. I mean, he's got such a bad attitude but he's just the cutest man on earth… so please, please PLEASE if you can, get him to love me?"_

Hah. Like I would say that. I wanted to though, I'll tell you that much. "They're… powerful…" I chose my words carefully.

"POWERFUL MY ASS!" Tomoyo screamed. "IF IT WASN'T FOR THEIR FOLLOWERS THEY'D BE NOTHNG I TELL YA, NOTHING! AND THAT CHIHARU-BITCH! SHE'S NOTHING BUT A LITTLE WHORE! PROLLY SLEPT WITH EVERY SINGLE GUY AROUND THE SCHOOL TO GET THE POSITION SHE'S IN RIGHT NOW! GOOD FOR NOTHING LITTLE SLUT! GETTING ALL THE GUYS ON HER SIDE THEN ACTING SO SUPERIOR! WELL I TELL YA, SHE'S NOTHING! SHE'S TRASH! SHE'S A DIRTY, USED LITTLE PROSTITUE! SHE'S GOT NOTHING! NOTHING! NOTHING BUT THAT FILTHY BODY OF HER—"

"She did _not_, sleep with every guy around the school!" Xiao Lang cut her off bitterly. "For your information she hasn't slept with _any_ guys yet!"

"YEAH? AND HOW WOULD YOU KNOW? ARE YOU HER BODYGUARD OR SOMETHING?"

He took a deep breath and leaned back against the cold wall as the black hood fell down more, covering his face till past his nose. "I wish…" he murmured.

"You little chicken shit." Tomoyo growled. "You wish for such a sinful and filthy thing and yet you're too afraid to fulfill it. I may hate Chiharu-bitch with every nerve in my body but your words disgusts me. Wishing and doing nothing, does nothing."

Xiao Lang turned in her direction. "How do you know I've done nothing?"

She chuckled bitterly. "The dreaminess in your voice. A person can only dream so much when there isn't enough of their wish in reality. If their wish is fulfilled in reality they needn't to dream. They only need to live."

I thought of Li Syaoran then. _Am I being a chicken? Should I confess to him? Am I not allowing myself to live by coping with everything inside me and never letting anything out? But look at Tomoyo… she shared her thoughts, she got part of her message through…_ I looked at her, and tears were forming again. _And look what happened to her._

"So what's it like?" Xiao Lang said conversationally.

"What's what like?" I replied. Though he was rude, ruthless, irritating and seems to be pissing Touya off, I have to admit, it's nice to have a different company once in a while. A new friend… maybe? A new becoming-friend… well, that's better than nothing… maybe I am making progress in my life after all… maybe I'm not standing still… That's a positive thought… right?

"You know," he replied. "Life like this. As a loser."

"Outcast." Touya growled. "We're _labelled_ outcast. It's simply a _label_. But a label can have different meanings to different people. We're _not_ losers. 'Loser' is a word, a description, and you have no right to believe your opinion is correct. Give facts, not opinions, dense brain."

A tilt of the black hood. "Don't screw with me. My patience is limited. I'm trying to be conversational. Drop the shit from your attitude, man."

"FOR THE BLOODY UMPTEENTH TIME I DON'T FRIGGIN' NEED YOUR GRACIOUS FIGURE TO BE HERE TO ENLIGHTEN US WITH ALL YOUR HOLINESS AND—"

"Touya!" I cut off his sarcastic rambling, frowning slightly. "We can survive on our own, I know we can…."

"I can't…" Tomoyo murmured.

I ignored that. "But it's always better to have one more person to lean on."

"Don't expect anything from me. Don't rely on me." Xiao Lang replied.

Touya growled. "Bastard."

"So," I cut in abruptly. "Please just be nice to him…"

"Sakura, why are you accusing me? I'm your brother! I do what's best for us, while he, this… this high-being, purified _experimenter_ is simply treating us like specimens! He thinks it's _interesting_ to be studying the lives of… of… _losers_ as he puts it!"

Xiao Lang pondered. "Quite well phrased. Covered everything I had in mind."

"SEE! AND SHUT YOUR TRAP BASTARD, IF YOU'RE JUST EXPERIMENTING WITH US THEN WIPE YOUR ASS AND STICK IT IN SOMEONE ELSE'S FACE PLEASE! WE'RE PEOPLE, NOT SOME SCIENCE LAB ALGAE FOR YOU TO POKE AROUND WITH, SO—"

"TOUYA!"

"SAKURA!"

"STOP IT!"

"WHY? I'M SIMPLY STATING THE TRUTH!"

"WHAT'S ALL THE FUSS GOING ON AROUND HERE!"

And out from around the corner, came my worst nightmare and her two sidekicks. Mihara-sama.

My eyes widened.

Tomoyo's whole being flared with hatred and it took all of Touya's strength to hold her down and all my strength to shut her mouth.

Mihara-sama's eyes landed on Xiao Lang. I looked sympathetically at him.

Yet he did not seem worried at all. "Who in God's beautiful green earth are you?" She drawled out with a raised eyebrow and a slight smirk. It almost looked seductive. But knowing Mihara-sama, Xiao Lang's about to get it.

And for the second time in the day, I am unable to defend a frie—an acquaintance.

"You have a lovely figure, ma'am."

Mihara-sama's eyes turned to slits. No one ever ignored her questions before.

A crowd was starting to gather.

"I asked you a question. Who in the Devil's name are you?"

He looked thoughtful. "Just a boy… a guy trying to survive high school and university and get a job that pays enough to be able to afford a coffin when I die."

Mihara-sama's mouth widened unnaturally into a gigantic, wicked grin. "How much money do you got in your bank right now?"

"My personal one? Couple of thousand."

"I believe that's enough to buy a coffin."

There was a pause, and slowly, beneath that black hood, I could see his lips curling into a smirk. "I ain't dying without you, baby."

"TAKASHI! BEAT THE LIPS OFF THIS GERM SO HE MAY NEVER UTTER ANOTHER SMARTASS RESPONSE AGAIN!"

Yamazaki-sama immediately stepped forth, and to my surprise, Xiao Lang actually stood up as he blocked Yamazaki-sama's punch.

I gasped and held a hand over my mouth.

Tomoyo stopped struggling and watched the scene intently.

No one, absolutely _no one_ has or will _ever_ dare to actually _block_ an attack that was meant for you and demanded to have upon you by the Queen and especially when it's delivered by a King!

"Touch me, and die." Was Xiao Lang's simple reply instead.

Yamazaki-sama tried pinning Xiao Lang to the walls, yet Xiao Lang was smooth. He moved like a quick and graceful cheetah and dodged Yamazaki-sama's attacks effortlessly.

Mihara-sama's face was growing hard. I was expecting her to call on Li-sama to help his buddy out, yet it was then that I realized Li-sama wasn't there.

"WHERE THE BLOODY HELL IS LI SYAORAN? JUST WHEN YOU NEED HIM—SONOFABITCH! WHO TAKES THIS LONG TO GO TO THE FRIGGIN' BATHROOM!"

Li-sama's not here? Where could he be? 

"Maybe he's up to a little mischief. You know how he gets." Yamazaki-sama commented casually.

There was a moment as silence.

And things processed through each of our heads.

All of a sudden, everyone turned to Xiao Lang, who was leaning against the walls leisurely. His smirk slowly fell, as did his confidence. "Oh, SHIT."

Mihara-sama took a step forward slowly, threateningly. "If you're Li Syaoran, you're _dead_, understand? _DEAD_."

His smile came back quickly enough. "What makes you say that? Think I'm handsome enough to be Daddy of the school? Or… do you just think I'm handsome enough to be daddy of your future kids…?"

"Son of an ass wipe…" She took another step. "I swear to _God_, if you really are Syaoran, just watch. I have no mercy, but I do double punishment for traitors."

His smile remained, but something about his position… he looked ready to sprint to mars. "Oh yeah baby, punish me, honey. Show me your worst side."

"YOU'RE DEAD!"

And almost at the speed of light, he dashed out of the doors and down the stairs.

"LI SYAORAN GET BACK HERE!"

"_AFTER HIM!" Mihara-sama cried as a whole entire herd of people chased after him._

_I waited intently as I heard growling, and soon, Xiao Lang was dragged back into the hallways where Mihara-sama waited patiently, with her claws out, and ready to attack._

"_Take off his hood."_

_Takashi-sama walked up slowly. "If you are Li Syaoran, I sever our friendship right here, right now." And he ripped off his hood._

_That handsome face._

_My hand came over my mouth. The whole time, I had been interacting with—spoke with—sat with—communicated with the man of my dreams. A little squeal came out the back of my throat._

_Touya stared at me suspiciously._

_I bit my hand to control myself. Oh my God… IT IS HIM! MY LIFE DREAM IS NOW FULFILLED! I-I, I ACTUALLY SPOKE WITH HIM!_

_Yamazaki-sama sighed and shook his head. "Okay, this is it then. Our severed, relationship. You asked for it." And he took out a knife, and stabbed it into Li-sama's back._

"_AAAAAAAAAAH! BLOODY BASTARD! SHIT ASS PRICK!" Li-sama cried, falling on his knees._

"_NO!" I screamed._

"_SSH!" Touya quickly clammed my mouth shut with his hands._

"_YOU LITTLE SHIT!" He pulled the knife out of his back and panted heavily on the ground. "Damn right." He growled. "Our friendship is _so_ over!"_

_Yamazaki-sama got into a fighting stance. "You dare speak so filthily to Chiharu. Me and you, right here. Winner takes all. I win, I get the girl. You win, then I shall admit defeat with my tail between my legs."_

"_Bloody hell! You can have her! Go ahead, I don't want her anymore!"_

_There was a pause, and Yamazaki-sama seemed vaguely confused._

_Mihara-sama walked up to him. "Why?" She said softly._

"_Simply because…" he replied, then sighed. "I'm sick of this life, as a King of school, it sickens me. In fact, I find it boring now… and so I thought I'd see the outside world… and now that I have… I…" He glanced at me._

_I couldn't help but to squeal a little in delight._

"_I don't want to go back."_

_Mihara-sama was disgusted. She shook her head shamefully at me. "All for that little scum there. Here I stand before you, with everything to offer, and yet, you take her."_

_He bowed his head. "I'm not sure I'll be taking her, but, I would like to live her life… to get to know a different lifestyle… and of course, understand more about her…"_

"_And just what is it about her that I don't have, huh? Answer me dammit! Which part of her is better than me?"_

_Making Mihara-sama jealous, is a truly, priceless, moment._

"_Every part." He murmured._

_She looked ready to collapse. "No, no… NO WAY! How can this be? How can I lose to her!"_

"_Why are you so upset?" He asked in a monotone. "You still have Takashi…" Then he winced as his hand touched his back where he was stabbed. "Little shit head…"_

"_Because… because I love YOU Li Syaoran, YOU!"_

"_I'm sorry, but I have no feelings for you, at all…"_

_Tears were pouring out of Mihara-sama's eyes. "I cannot believe this! I'm being rejected! You're so selfish!" When she received no emotion at all from Li-sama, she crawled over to me. "Don't take him! Please! Leave him for me! I'll take care of him! I need him more than you do!"_

_I savoured the moment. "Mihara-sama… begging, _me_." I laughed a bit. "Camera, anyone?" And somewhere close by, it flashed. I laughed. Thinking of posting this all over the school tomorrow… the humiliation… even if she changes her mind tomorrow, the photo cannot be erased… I laughed harder. Chiharu, is, going, _down_. "I might consider it, under several conditions."_

"_Anything! Anything you want! Just please, give Li Syaoran to me! I never realized how much he meant to me till now, when I'm losing him, just please!"_

"_Apologize to Tomoyo."_

"_Daidouji-sama, I beg forgiveness from you!"_

"_And do you forgive her, Tomoyo?"_

_Tomoyo was thoughtful. For once, she seemed to enjoy life. "Sure. Under one condition."_

"_What is it?"_

_She smirked and held out her hand. "Scissors, anyone?"_

"_NO! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! YOU CAN'T CUT MY HAIR!" Chiharu howled._

"_You did it to me, and I can do it back to you."_

"_NO! NEVER!"_

"_For Syaoran?" I taunted. He walked over and sat down beside me. "Aw baby, look at what a nasty cut you have there…" I took off his shirt and began cleaning his wound tenderly._

"_ALL RIGHT! I'LL SERVE MY PUNISHMENT!"_

_Tomoyo laughed crazily as Touya handed her a pair of scissors. And cut, cut, cut! she went. And down came Chiharu's tresses like leaves off a tree._

_Chiharu covered her face in shame, and cried. "Will you give Syao to me, now?" She mumbled, her hands still over her face._

_I smiled slowly, and leaned against Syaoran. "Well, it's not just up to me you know…" I looked at him. "What do you say, Syao? Do you still want to take this wrench?"_

_Chiharu's head snapped up. "YOU HAVE TO! I WENT THROUGH SO MUCH FOR YOU!"_

_Another flash._

_Life, is beautiful._

"_YOU JUST HAVE TO!"_

"_Let me think about it…" he said teasingly. "All right, I've made up my mind."_

"_So… will you?" She asked hopefully._

"Yes."

Chih—Mihara-sama spun around. The door to the boy's bathroom that was behind her opened, and out walked Li-sama. "You called?"

Mihara-sama seemed to sigh in relief. "You were in there the whole time?"

"Yeah, I told you I needed the bathroom. Where else would I go?"

Mihara-sama shook her head and ran her hand through her hair.

"What's troubling you, love?" He asked sweetly, putting his arm around her.

My eyes widened with jealousy. "NO! SYAO-KUN IS MINE—" My hand came over my mouth. OH SHIT! AAAH! I shook my head. _Stupid daydreams! STUPID DAYDREAMS! GAAH! HORRIBLE HABIT!_

Mihara-sama turned around slowly. "Excuse me?"

Li-sama for once noticed me, but the look on his face was of disgust.

Laughter erupted around me from various students. "Ha-ha! Loser!"

"So that's what she dreams about all day!"

"I bet she thinks about sleeping with Li-sama allllll day long!"

"What a little dirty slut!"

I shook my head rapidly, hoping everything would go away. Both my hands were clamped over my mouth.

"Did you just say I was yours?" Li-sama exclaimed raising an eyebrow, while looking at me like I would the most ridiculous person on earth. And I probably am.

I shook my head furiously, with my hands still over my mouth, afraid I'll let something slip.

"All right now, what type of punishment would be suitable for you… for daring to attempt to dirty a King's reputation by contaminating him with the love of an outcast?" Mihara-sama drawled out with a lazy laugh.

My eyes widened even more, if that was even possible, and I just kept shaking my head over and over again. Inside my mind, I was going dizzy… from fear, from embarrassment, from the eye contact with Li-sama, even if it was simply a look of filth thrown at me.

"Should you have the same punishment as your little bald friend there?"

Tomoyo growled like an angry bulldog.

"Or should I think up something juicy just for you…?" She laughed. "Ah! I think I have the perfect punishment for you! But, because I'm so generous today, I'll give you a choice. Now, my dear, would you like to end up like your little bald friend? Or… would you…" her eyes glinted. "Prefer to be publicly raped… right here…?" She threw her head back and laughed. "Now I think that would be quite a show! Yes, indeed! So who here volunteers?"

I clutched tightly onto Touya. _NO! NO! NO BLOODY WAY! NOT POSSIBLE! THIS IS NOT HAPPENING TO ME!_ I shook my head even more tightly as my hands went even tighter around my mouth. Tears were spilling out of my eyes watching the bystanders laugh as a couple of guys jumped up and down, volunteering to do the _job_.

"Oh, all right! You there! Get over here!" Mihara-sama winked seductively at him as a bulky well-built guy walked out from the crowd. "I'll allow you to do the honours! Video cameras, ready!" She did a little fake cheer, as the guy advanced towards me with a hungry and wicked look in his eyes.

I backed away, and away, and away. Tears falling out of my eyes. Finally, I hit the wall. Solid wall against my back.

"Where's the little girl going to run now?" Mihara-sama taunted.

He put his hands on my shoulders. "You'll enjoy this, hon."

I tried kicking and struggling, but he was no doubt a football player, and my attempts did nothing.

He leaned forward…

And forward…

And forward…

"Stop."

He froze. As did everyone else. Even Mihara-sama.

Every pair of eyes turned to Li-sama. He walked over and pulled the guy off of me and threw him aside. He was looking at me in a peculiar way. An expression I could not read.

Did… did Li-sama just… save me? 

'Watch yourself.' He mouthed, before walking over to Chiharu and putting an arm around her. "Forget it. Wasted enough of my lunch here. Let's go."

She pouted. "Are you defending her?"

"The only one I would defend is you, and you know it. But I really don't got no more time to waste. It'll take too long." Carefully, he stirred her away towards the opposite direction. "You coming, Tak?"

"Yeah." He replied. And the three of them walked away.

I remained on the ground, still petrified at the fact I had almost been raped in a school in front of hundreds of watchers. _What did he mean, watch yourself? Was that a threat, or was that a helpful hint?_

The crowd thinned. Touya and Tomoyo crawled over to me and hugged me tightly. "Why must we live in constant fear, daily, Sakura… why?" Tomoyo wept.

I said nothing. Somehow—it's stupid, I know—today, even though it was the worst day of my life, it didn't seem so bad… I met a new soon-to-become-friend, Xiao Lang, and… Li-sama defended me. Not only does he know I exist now, he actually defended me. Now isn't that something… "Where's Xiao Lang?" I asked.

"Don't know." Tomoyo replied.

"Nobody cares about him." Touya snapped.

I waited at the same spot, hoping he'd come back.

But Xiao Lang never did. I never saw him for the rest of the lunch, nor the rest of the day.

**-**

**If you want me to email you the next update, LEAVE YOUR EMAIL in your REVIEW!**

**-**

**Author's Note: **_Yes, yes, more advertising. Anyways to see my hand-drawn mangas to my story I Dare You visit:_

_http (double slash):minisweety-manga . tripod . com_

_Erase all the spaces of course._

_Working on that web-site is another one of the reasons why I'm taking so long to type up my stories…_

_All right you know what? I admit, the little day dream in this chapter, I did it to the satisfaction of reviewers. Many of you wanted to beat Chiharu up, or humiliate her, so here it is. I figured since it IS a day dream, anything can happen, right?_

_5033Words._


	3. My Brother

**Author's Note: **_I know doesn't want ppl posting replies to reviews here ne more... but hell, I'm too lazy to send emails to everyone. I prefer replying all at once. Gomenesai for the late update. Been lazy. Been uninspirational. Been inspired to write another story that isn't for anyone but myself... yeah depressing I know..._

)**RyansGirl09**( - hehe thank you :) just keep in mind I'm no 'happily-ever-after' girl... :P

)**Hitaru**( - well I dunno... do you _want_ there to be a daydream in every chapter? It's not hard for me, since I dream a lot myself... :P

)**Darkest Illusions**( - eh, umm I didn't get your email address... :sweatdrop: I think censored it out or something… grr.. so I think you have to type in like 'name "at" domain "dot" com'... yes yes, so annoying...

)**Frosted BlossomZ**( - hmmm...? Well how would I know what syao was thinking, I'm not him after all, ne? ;) :blinks innocently:

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**Chapter Three**

_My Brother_

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So the day arrives.

Just today. Get through today, and everything will be all right again.

I hugged Tomoyo tightly. Her face was buried against my chest, as I sat in front of my locker, waiting for the bell to ring, and for hell to arrive. "Ssh. Don't look. It'll be fine... just don't look... wait till today's over, and everything will be all right, hon... be brave..."

"I-I wa-wanna g-go home..." she hiccupped.

I petted her gently. "I know." But deep inside, I prayed Mihara-sama has forgotten about the whole thing, that what happened yesterday was all just a nightmare. But caressing what was left of Tomoyo's hair, I knew that it was all very real. And that fact pained me.

Ten more minutes to go…

But maybe I asked for too much. Maybe I should've just asked for myself to be shot instead.

Faint laughter rang down the hall. I cringed. Tomoyo whimpered.

The sound became louder, and louder, and louder till they were in front of us.

Mihara-sama stood among the guys. The guys dressed in nothing but underwear. Underwear made from Tomoy's cloth.

"Look up, bitches!" Mihara taunted cheerfully.

I looked up slowly, my eyes half hidden by my bangs.

But she wasn't looking at me. She stared only at Tomoyo. "I SAID LOOK UP!"

"Tomoyo... baby..." I whispered softly. "Just do it... please... I don't want anything worse to happen..."

And Tomoyo listened. Anyone who's seen half of the full extend of Chiharu's nastiness obeyed everything. She looked up with bloodshot eyes, tears still pouring down her face. Shame splattered on her as she stared at the guys. More tears poured out.

"That's a good girl! Lookie this, your cloth has gone to good use after all!"

Tomoyo bit her lips in hatred, but said nothing. She just stared, with glazed eyes. She could've saw nothing for all I knew. But it's easier to block out an image than to block out the sound of Mihara-sama's voice.

When Tomoyo said nothing, and showed nothing, Mihara-sama seemed bored. She raised an eyebrow and signalled with her hand for the guys to follow as they paraded around the school.

Just when I thought it was all over.

A body suddenly flew through the air right past Tomoyo and I as he tackled one of the guys in panties down. "SONOFABITCH!"

"TOUYA!" I cried. "NO!"

But it was too late. Much too late. Just what is wrong with my friends? My family? What is wrong with me! Why am I surrounding myself with people like this! "TOUYA! STOP IT!"

"SONOFABITCH! SHIT FACE! YOU KILLED DAD DIDN'T YOU! I SAW YOU! YOU KILLED HIM! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"No... Touya..." I may be afraid of Mihara-sama but I don't give a damn about the rest. I went right between him and some other guy.

A punch landed on me. I felt the air being knocked out of my but I stood my ground. My head rings.

"SAKURA!" Touya's fury grew. "FIRST YOU KILL DAD NOW YOU TRY TO KILL MY SISTER! PRICK!"

"TOUYA! CALM DOWN! HE. DIDN'T. KILL. DAD!"

"YES HE DID! I SAW HIM! HE WAS JUST WALKING OUTSIDE SCHOOL, AND HE WAS WITH DAD AND HE STABBED HIM AND KILLED HIM AND NO ONE EVEN CARED THERE WAS A DEAD MAN ON THE GROUND!"

I wrapped my arms around my brother's waist and buried my face in his shoulder. I expected to be nearly murdered by five muscular guys. I was prepared. So Touya was older. But I am to protect him now. And when Touya's angry, he'd get revenge even if it'd cost his life.

To my surprised, after one solid minute, I felt nothing.

Slowly, I turned around and looked up.

The guys were meters behind.

In front instead stood Mihara-sama. There was a strange expression on her face. "Move."

I was so shocked I couldn't comprehend. "What…?"

"MOVE IT BITCH!" And she gave me a kick to my side. I went flying to the ground while clutching at my ribs.

Tomoyo scrambled towards me, but Mihara-sama didn't seem to notice. She was simply starring at Touya. There was something about the way she looked at him. And there was something wrong with the way he interpreted it, but he suddenly said, "Okaa-san?"

It's been so long since I felt such a feeling. It was anger. Fury. But it built up in me. It can't be… how could he…? How could he…? HOW COULD HE MISTAKE THAT WITCH TO BE MOM! INEXCUSIBLE CRIME! "NO!" I cried, running towards Touya, but the five muscular guys held me down. Mihara-sama didn't seem to care about me at the moment. She didn't seem too particularly interested in punishing me for having spoken out against her either. She stared at Touya, and only Touya, with an unreadable expression.

Touya fell on his knees, as he hugged Mihara-sama around the waist. "Kaa-san…" he whispered over and over again. "Kaa-san… kaa-san… it's terrible… he killed tou-san… he killed him… it's not fair… and I want to kill him for killing tou-san… but no one would let me… help me kaa-san… do something about it… only you can…"

Mihara-sama simply stared down at him. And slowly, she raised a hand, and touched his hair gently.

He seemed to swoon under the touch.

"NO! TOUYA! THAT'S NOT MOM! GET AWAY FROM HER!"

But he didn't hear me… he couldn't hear me… "Okaa-san… kaa-san…" he kept whispering.

Mihara-sama stroked his head, but still said nothing.

"What am I going to do, kaa-san...? Can't I just go where you are? I want to be with you… tou-san's with you too isn't he…? He must be... he loved you so much… he must've followed you… can't I follow you as well? I want to be with you again, kaa-san… and see tou-san again..."

Insane rambles.

That's what they are.

And to be telling his deepest secrets to a witch like her… why? And why is Mihara-sama… _stroking_ him? There was undistinguishable expression in her face. Her eyes were glazed betraying no expression. But they did not contain anger, nor hatred.

Finally, she bent down lower to look him in the eyes. "I have to go now." She finally said.

"Kaa-san…?" He sounded like such a lost child. I wish I could do something… anything… but instead it was my most hated enemy that's comforting my brother, whom I was suppose to take care of.

"I have to go…" she kissed his forehead as she stood up, and walked away.

The five guys stared at her retrieving figure with a bewildered expression, as if saying: "Okay, what, the, HELL, just happened?" Yeah, good question. What the HELL did just happen?

They let go of me and walked after her uncertainly.

"KAA-SAN!" Touya cried, scrambling after her.

"NO!" I pushed him down forcefully onto the ground. "THAT'S NOT MOM!"

"KAA-SAN!" He cried again, his hand out, reaching for that witch.

"NO!"

We crashed down to the ground and within that time Mihara-sama disappeared around a corner. "Kaa-san..." Touya muttered, helpless tears falling out of his eyes. "Don't abandon me again… not again… KAAAAAAAA-SAAAAAAAN!"

* * *

We never saw Mihara-sama again for the rest of the morning. We did however see those five guys again, yet they were dressed in normal cloth. I tried to approach them but they simply walked right by like I didn't exist. Expected. They had no authority to acknowledge us. 

Touya was more a mess now than he was the morning. Instead of hallucinating over dad, he was hallucinating over mom. A fake mom. A bitch of a mom. But there was nothing I could do. Only... only... hope for...

Dare I say such disgraceful words?

I must. For it is the truth.

I only hope for Mihara-sama to return. To comfort him.

But why did she comfort him? That was one question that still bugged me. Have they met when they were little or something? Did they used to know each other? Did Mihara-sama know mother? Was Mrs. Mihara a friend of mother's? If so why was she so kind towards Touya only and not me? Those are questions I could not ask her.

Or can I? I stared at Touya. I took a deep breath. Wouldn't it be just better if I went up to ask her…? Just abandon my pride... oh wait, I never had any in this school. I sighed. Exactly. I have no status, no life, no pride, no wealth. There's nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

But I'm scared.

I'm so scared.

And I can't possibly ask Touya or Tomoyo to come along with me.

I looked at Touya again, his expression, his red eyes, his broken form. There was such pain inside of me for him. _I do it all for you, Touya, because you are my brother..._

I bent down and hugged him, then Tomoyo. "Take care of him." I whispered to her. "If I don't come back, Mihara-sama murdered me."

Tomoyo's eyes were wide as she stared after me. "Sakura…? What are you talking about?" It's been awhile since I heard alertness from her voice, and for that, I am slightly glad.

I smiled gently. "Don't you worry about me. I'll be right back."

I walked away, leaving Tomoyo to stare at my retreating figure.

--

Information tells me where Mihara-sama was. Without even noticing, I dragged my feet, as if I were going to hell. I glared tightly at the ground, biting my lips.

Someone hit my shoulder and I toppled to ground. Looking behind me I see two guys talking and laughing and walking by as if nothing had happened. I wiped at my eyes. _It's okay… be strong… be strong…_ I told myself, as I dragged myself up. _If I can't even take that, how can I face Mihara-sama…?_

That's because I can't. But I must. A couple more difficult steps.

I stood at a corner of the hallway. The moment I turn here, I'll have to be readyto greet hell. I took a deep breath. _Be brave… be brave… be brave… do this for Touya… for him…_ I walked forward. "MIHAR—"

"What the _hell_ were you doing?"

I froze, and quickly retreated.

Li-sama was there, holding her wrists with both his hands.

She stared at him in the eyes stubbornly. "It's none of your business what I do."

His voice was low, but dangerous and angry. "None of my business? NONE OF MY BUSINESS! How _dare_ you say that! I care about my friends, I care about you and I worry about you!"

I felt as if my heart had been stabbed. I leaned against the wall and took a deep breath and closed my eyes, willing the pain to go away. At the same time, I did not run; I listened. I wanted to know what they were talking about...

There was a pause, and finally, Mihara-sama spoke. "You care about me? You worry about me."

An even longer pause. "Well, yeah…"

Her voice came out fond. "You never told me that before..."

"Well, I thought you'd know…"

"I didn't."

"..." It was as if Li-sama was embarrassed… like a person would be… after a confession… "That's besides the point. What were you doing talking to that loser?" He accused again, this time, more gentle.

"He's not a loser…" she murmured.

"WHAT?"

"I mean, it's not like what you think!"

"And what _do_ I think?"

"You think I like him, don't you?"

"Well… how else am I _supposed_ to think? You have _no_ reason to be hanging around an outcast, but you did today! And you… you… you _kissed _him!"

"It was only on the forehead…"

"Still! What other reason could you have of communicating with him?"

"I don't like him, I'll tell you that much…"

"Then tell me, _why_?"

She seemed so confused. She sounded tired. "It's difficult to explain… I mean, you know so little of my childhood…"

"Then tell me." He said, gently.

"Well…" She sighed. "To start off, I never had a mother, did you know that? I've always hated my dad as well… He was a bastard. He brought home a different woman every week, and it just happens that my mom was the one who got pregnant." She shook her head. "Well details doesn't matter, but anyways, my mom died from giving birth to me, and my dad got put in charge of me.

"And it… it was… I don't know… it was when I was around seven? Six? Can't remember well… but I do remember that I always longed for my mother… And that one time… I saw… I saw this boy… he was perhaps older than me, maybe younger, maybe same age, I couldn't tell… he was running furiously, not looking anywhere." She shook her head again. "Skip the details. Point is he was crying. He was crying because his mother was dead, and he couldn't cry at home because he wanted to be strong for his sister and his father…" A sigh. "I remember that day so clearly… Because it was that day it finally occurred to me that I wasn't the only one suffering in the world…"

A long stretched silence. When Mihara-sama said nothing more, Li-sama spoke.

"So… what happened to that little boy…?"

"I don't know. He went home and I never saw him again. And then a month later I moved here, and that was the end of any hope of seeing him again…"

"So… what does this have to do with the loser you were talking with?"

"He… he reminded me of the little kid… besides… when he saw me… do you know what he called me?"

"...What?"

"Kaa-san." She seemed to smile a little. "No one's called me that before. Ever. I'm the bitch of school, at home my dad doesn't give a damn about my well-being, but here that guy was, this 17 or 18 years old guy, he sounded so innocent… he called me mom. Me, a mom. I've always wanted one… and I've always wanted to be one… if I ever was a mom I'd make sure not to make my child end up like me…"

"You want a child…?"

She pushed away from him. "Get serious, Syaoran."

"Fine, fine…" He sighed. "How come you've never noticed him before? Why now of all days?"

She blinked. "I've never seen him around."

"Yes you have… yesterday, when you almost had the other loser raped at lunch, he was there."

She didn't seem shaken at all by that sentence. It was as if getting somebody almost raped was a normal thing for her. "Oh, didn't notice him."

"Or the time you abused that little feisty one. He was there too."

"Really? Too concentrated on ruining her. Couldn't bother to notic—"

"Shh—!"

"Syao?"

He shifted, his expression became dark, slowly, he turned, and his eyes landed on me.

I clasped my hand over my mouth to stop myself from screaming. _RUN!_ I told myself, but I couldn't budge.

"There you are…" He said, taking huge steps towards me with Mihara-sama following him. "Little sneak." He spat.

The anger on Mihara-sama's face was indescribable at the moment when her eyes landed on me. "YOU LITTLE—!"

I didn't let her finish. I dropped on my knees. Now or never. "PLEASE SAVE MY BROTHER!"

My eyes were squeezed shut, my forehead touching the floor. When all was silent for more than five whole seconds, I dared to slowly look up, only to find a knifewhere my face would've been had I not dropped to the ground. My eyesgrew intohuge loonies.

Mihara-sama's eyeswere closed. She took another couple of deep breathes in. "Why."

"He's... he's hallucinating... he calls for your name... well, actually he calls for kaa-san... and... and cries..."

Li-sama snorted. "A guy who cries... pathetic."

Mihara-sama shot him a death glare. Her voice was soft and velvety. So soft I could barely hear her. "You heard everything back there?"

My head once again dropped to the ground. "Yes, but please, please, PLEASE forgive me I really didn't mean to I just came to ask if you would see my brother but then you were talking and I didn't want to interrupt you so I waited I didn't mean to hear anything but I was being respectful and—"

"Enough."

I was silent instantly.

"What is his condition?"

"He… is slightly delusional…"

"What caused it…"

"The death of mother at the age of six... and then dad slipped into a coma from a car accident when he was ten. After dad didn't wake up for three years that's when this… condition started." I hated telling her this. I hated pouring outmy secrets to her. I hated letting her know a part of me, know my vulnerability. But I had to. There was no other option. Life never gave you too many options.

"His name?"

"Kinomoto. Kinomoto Touya."

She closed her eyes and crossed her arms. "Where is he?"

"Please, come with me…"

She nodded. "Syao, you stay here."

He frowned. My heart pained. He was jealous. He cared for her. "Why?"

"You'll be trouble." She responded, and quickly kissed him on the cheek.

"Don't do anything reckless."

She smiled a little, and winked. "Now why would I do that?"

Li-sama groaned. "I mean it…"

"So did I." She turned away from him. "Walk."

And I did. I couldn't slap her like I wanted. I couldn't choke her like I wanted. I couldn't throw her off a building like I wanted. I walked like she wanted.

* * *

Touya was still on the ground by the time we reached him. Calling out for mother. Mihara-sama looked at me. "I've got seven minutes. Then I have rehearsal." 

She wasn't waiting for my approval; it was a fact she was telling me. "I understand." I reply.

"Mm." She walked towards him. The moment she did, her whole demeanour changed. She was gentle, light-footed, and angelic. "Touya…" she said tenderly, making her way towards him.

His head snapped up the moment he heard it.

As did Tomoyo's. Claws came out.

But I grabbed her hand, not giving in no matter how much she bit or struggled. Her fight with me was all but ignored by Mihara-sama and Touya.

"Tomoyo, I'm sorry, but for Touya, I have to tell you this. Shut the hell up, please. Just seven minutes, for him." I dragged her away to watch from afar.

People were starting to gather and I didn't want to be in the middle of it. And I wanted what was best for my brother.

"Why is she…"

I shook my head at Tomoyo as I caressed what was left of her hair gently. "It seems she has a gentle side after all…"

Tomoyo said nothing, but I knew she was shocked. Anyone who knew would.

"Having fun?" A cold voice spoke.

I spun around. "Xiao Lang…" I was pleased. This was turning out to be a… half decent day. Mihara-sama spared me, Touya could finally be happy… Tomoyo was listening, and my new friend was finding _me_. "Not really… it's for my brother."

"Hm. Heard he's crazy."

I frowned. "He's… delusional."

A curl of lips beneath that hood.

--

"Okaa-san…" Touya reached out.

Mihara-sama accepted his hug gladly. She was the perfect motherly figure. Passbyers were starting to think that pigs could fly. Yet they were intent, afraid, stunned. And they watched.

Granted to Mihara-sama, she didn't give half a pea about it. "It's okay now, Touya…"

"Kaa-san…" he buried his face in her stomach, still on his knees.

She hugged his head closer to her as she played with his hair. "Touya…"

"Why did you leave me today morning… why?"

"I had a meeting today, hun…"

"What about tou-san…? Did he have meetings too? Is he coming back…?"

"Yes, tou-san had meetings too… but he's on a business trip…"

Touya frowned. "When is the trip over? I feel like I haven't seen him for ages…"

"Oh, but Touya, we mustn't rush him… this is a very important trip… especially for him! In fact, it means the world to him!"

"But… I miss him still…"

"I know hun…"

"C-Can you tell him to come back early?"

"He's far away though…"

"But he's with you…"

"No, hun, I'm with _you_…"

"No, but you were just at where he was… I know you were… so please find him again and tell him to come back..."

"Touya…" she pulled back, and starred into his eyes. "Tou-san can't come back…"

"But… why?"

"It's a very long trip… VERY long…" She checked her watch and kissed his forehead. "I have to meet your dad soon…"

"You're leaving me again?" Tear welled in his eyes.

She smiled kindly. "No silly, you wanted me to tell dad to come home sooner, right? I'm going to do just that…"

"You lie… you told me that last time… and tou-san went after you last time… neither of you came back…"

Mihara-sama frowned. "Okay, I'll stay with you… but let's play a game… let's play hide and seek!"

Touya was going back in time. To when he was still six, still eager to play hide and seek. He smiled brightly. "Okay! I'll count!"

"Good boy… count to… 10?"

"Okay!"

Immediately he spun around facing the walls. "ONE…. TWO… THREE…"

Mihara-sama disappeared down the stairs before he even reached four.

"...NINE... TEN! READY OR NOT! HERE I COME!"

And Touya came. He seeked, and he seeked.

He never found her.

I slid down toward the ground and sighed. "How long is this going to continue for…?" I whispered.

Somewhere along the way Xiao Lang vanished. There was no one to console me except for Tomoyo who was beside herself with grief.

Maybe twenty minutes passed, maybe half an hour passed. Touya was getting desperate. "Not again…" he whispered. "Not again… not again… NOT AGAIN!" And it was in that moment he found her. Found her by her locker conversing with Li-sama and Yamazaki-sama. "KAA-SAN!" He wiped the tears from his eyes and jumped for joy.

Mihara-sama saw him and frowned, then fled.

He chased after her.

I chased after him. "MIHARA-SAMA!" I cried. "PLEASE STAY WITH HIM!"

A voice rang down the hall. "I am temporary comfort for him! If I stay too long it'll worsen his state!"

We ran from one end of the school to another, till we eventually reached the roof.

In our school, at the top of the roof there was a rusted orange ladder hanging down to the floor.

Students never used it, because A, it was so rusted it could possibly break, and B, if you used it you'd land right next to a gigantic smelly garbage can.

Mihara-sama stood there and glanced back. She growled in frustration and muttered to herself as she began descending the stairs.

I tried to stop my brother. But he was much too strong for me. I did nothing more than to stop his movements by perhaps half. But he knew exactly the direction she went.

By the time he too reached the roof, she had already successfully climbed down and heading back towards the main entrance of the school.

If he had been functioning properly, he would've known that it'd be easier to just retreat and block her at the school entrance.

But he was a six-year-old child who saw nothing but his long gone okaa-san that he missed so much. He saw _nothing_ but her.

He didn't see the roof, he didn't see the ladder. He didn't see the height. He saw only her.

And he chased after what he sought.

It happened like a sickening slow-motion horror film.

Step by step, he became closer to the edge of the roof.

I ran with all my might, determined, doing anything I could to grab any part of him I could.

Cold chill washed over my body.

No... I can't fail this! Not when it mattered!

He was at the edge, as he raised his foot and set it down on empty air three stories above ground level.

Mihara-sama looked back. Her eyes widened. She too began running back towards him.

I reached out to grab him.

"TOOOOOOOOOOUYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

**-**

**If you want me to email you the next update, LEAVE YOUR EMAIL in your REVIEW!**

**-**

**Author's Note: **_For those of you who's been seeing my site... you'll prolly notice I haven't updated in a long time... since my last update says: "marry early Christmas..." Just to let you know it's 'cause I'm making a new layout for it! Plus I got a domain name now!_

_If you're interested, for a sneak preview, visit www(dot)kalikas-manga(dot)vita-anime(dot)comyes, I've gone from Mini Sweety to Kalika... xD_

_It's not done yet, so you might find like... a lot of broken links... plus 'page not found's..._

_As for the story... I know... no flashback, cliffhanger... it's 3 in the morning, I'm getting up tomorrow at 7 to meet my friends at wonderland... I just wanted to upate this since I haven't updated forever... and plus I was getting a bit into the story... so gotta finish it so I can start writing for IDY and Wanted... jeez... I'm so lagging behind... srry..._

_4467 words._


	4. My World

**Author's Note: **_I meant to update another story. But I had to write something in this. Of all my unfinished stories, the genres, the feel, this story suits my current mood best. I am going through tough times that I cannot voice. My only escape is to write._

)**Hitaru**( - I guess I just didn't have the heart to make Chiharu a 100-percent bitch, ne?

)**fallenangel**( - where do I come up with these stuff? My life, usually when I'm depressed I have lots to depressing thoughts of what could happen…

...-...-''''''-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-''''''-...-...

**Chapter Four**

My World

...-...-''''''-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-''''''-...-...

My world shattered.

That's the best way to describe what happened. My world. Everything that has ever meant anything to me. It shattered.

It was a moment that lasted forever. A desperation that knew no ends. A sadness that refused to be gone.

I reached out. Damn gravity. Damn the world. Damn me.

I could only move so fast. I wanted to grab him. I wanted to be his saviour. I wanted him to consult me instead of Mihara-sama, I wanted to be there for him. But all hopes, all dreams, all worlds collided and shattered in that one moment.

His foot hit the edge. His other foot was brought up, then down.

He expected to hit the ground, and then find his long lost fake mother. But his mother was nothing but a wicked illusion. He lost her. In that moment he lost everything.

His other foot landed, but it landed on clouds. Maybe if we were in a movie, or a fairytale, a magical gust of wind would carry him away. Sweep him towards his longings. His heart's desire will create this magical surge of power that would save him.

But that was not true.

My hand reached out, and grasped. Desperate to grab any part of him. Did I think of the consequences of what would happen if I _did_ get a hold of him? What if he pulled me down with him?

No. I didn't care at all. All I knew was that I had to catch him. I _had_ to.

But I didn't.

My fingertips brushed by his hair as he went down.

My eyes widened, my arms froze.

The moment froze. It could've lasted forever.

And somewhere during forever, perhaps realization hit my brother, perhaps he finally woke up, perhaps he was finally cured.

Because he suddenly looked up.

His eyes were wide. Not with innocence, but with wisdom, with understanding. They were so bright. He opened his mouth.

But words formed too slow.

Yet deep inside, I heard him, I heard his word.

_Sakura._

Tears sprung out of my eyes, as I shut them. I wasn't ready for the scene I'd have to face next. "TOOOOOOUUUYAAAAAAAAAA!"

There was an angry splatter.

I screamed. The pain overwhelmed me. My world shook and broke.

I shook my head furiously. The pain, no, no, no, NO! IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS! NO NO NO NO NO! IT'S NOT TRUE! NOOOO!

My knees buckled beneath me, standing so close to the rooftop I collapsed. I didn't care. Let me fall with him, my brother, my life, my only family left in this world.

I began my descend. Slowly, painfully.

_Sakura!_

His last word rang.

He understood. He finally woke up from that dreadful nightmare. He realized. He knew who I was. He found reality. Just a bit too late.

_Sakura!_

More tears sprung to my eyes. I know, Touya, I understand! You understood! I know! Don't haunt me any longer! I'll join you soon!

_SAKURAAA!_

A pair of hands grabbed me from behind. So suddenly he nearly knocked me off the roof instead of saving me. But save me he did.

I was surrounded by blackness.

Blackness of what?

Blackness of the eternal abyss of pain?

Blackness of my saviour's clothing?

Or the blackness of the coffin?

It was all three.

Xiao Lang saved me that day. As I had been unable to do for Touya.

--

The coffin lay there, so black, so deadly.

The coffin was closed. Probably for the best. I wanted to keep my memory of him, not what he became.

Everything happened like a whirl around me. Very little people came. Maybe 10, maybe 20, I don't know. I couldn't be bothered. I sat in the front row with my eyes empty and dry. Yes, dry. Too many tears had been shed.

Words were said, prayers whispered, the coffin was being lowered.

_Sakura._

I blinked. The coffin was being lowered.

"NO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HIM?" I tripped out of my chair and fell across the black, sleek coffin. "Touya what on earth are you doing? GET OUT DAMMIT! GET OUT!" People came. To grab me. "GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF OF ME! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? DON'T TOUCH ME! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU SO MUCH! WHY ARE YOU BURYING MY BROTHER, HUH? GET THE HELL OFF ME!"

I fought for all I was worth, but it was not nearly enough. My reward was: "Sakura, where do you live?"

The person driving me home I've never seen. I never knew him, I don't know him, and I don't plan on knowing him. But I didn't try to run. I didn't feel scared. I felt nothing.

Home is where the heart is... 

_Home is where Touya is..._

"I have no home..."

"Pardon?"

I told him my address.

"Is anyone… home?"

At that moment I was faced with two choices. To say yes, and be driven home. Or say no, and be driven to either a shelter or the insane asylum.

"Yes." I replied.

I arrived home.

All alone. The house seemed to stand alone. I flickered on the lights.

The house still seemed dark.

I flickered on all the lights in the house.

It was still dark.

I lit all the candles I could find.

Darkness was all I knew.

I screamed.

I broke all the lights and wiped out all the fire. It was then, and only then, there was light.

Light from the stars.

I stared outside.

Contrast to my house, pitch black, the sky was a place of a million mysterious lights.

I stepped out the door and sat on my front steps, and buried my face between my knees. _Where are you, Touya?_

The stars continued to shine bright.

For me? 

Yes, I'd like to believe that.

--

The hardest thing to do is doing something you knew you had to do but knew there was really no point in doing it. What made it worse was that there was nothing else _to_ do _but_ that.

That's what I felt going to school the next day.

I had wished for all my life that people would see me. My wish came true.

Everyone stared at me.

News spreads fast, especially when someone falls off the rooftop of your very own school.

No one stopped to comfort me though. No one stopped to tell me everything's going to be okay. They simply stared.

Of all people, the only who to cross my path and bothered speaking to me was none other than Mihara-sama. "Stop walking." She demanded.

Old habits die hard.

I walked right past her. "I don't jump when you say jump." I replied, chuckling miserably at the cruel pun.

"Godamnit yes you WILL FAG! When I say you WILL JUMP!"

I ignored her and kept walking. For once, I knew no fear. For I knew nothing anymore.

For my whole high school career, that was one of the things I wanted the most out of this school, besides having people stop looking through me. I wanted to have the guts to stand up to Mihar—Chiharu.

Inside, I chuckled darkly. Amusing how all my wishes are coming true today, huh. At the price of what? At the price of my brother.

Truly, you cannot gain anything for free in this pitiful world.

"BITCH! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?"

"Clearly not."

"LOOK, STAY!"

"I'm not a dog."

"Sakura… Don't move another step! Stay! Stay. Stay…"

No acknowledgement.

"...please?"

It was at that, I stopped and turned. She just _asked_ me to do something in front of the entire student body.

Of everyone she could've picked out to beat the hell out of me, she begged me instead.

"What did you say Chiharu?"

She didn't even mind the fact I called her by her first name.

She took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry."

"Are you?"

There was a slight wrinkle of sadness in her features. "Yes. I really am, Sakura."

Everyone around school knew, it was rare for Chiharu to show any sign of emotion besides anger and malice. I nodded. "I understand."

Do I forgive her?

No.

I also knew that from this moment forth we'll never be friends. Ever.

All my fantasies. Getting in with the more popular kids, hanging with them, being crowned the second Queen. All the down the drain. And I felt no regret. None at all.

She shook her head slowly and slightly. "But you don't forgive me."

I looked at her in the eyes. Like a normal human being. Not as the Queen or a mightier being. I stared at her for a while. Trying to let her see into my soul, and understand without words. When at last a small, barely audible sigh left her lips, I turned and walked away.

--

Tomoyo didn't show up today.

Neither did Xiao Lang.

At lunchtime, I felt true loneliness, sitting against my locker.

No one kicked me, no one walked on me like I was a carpet, but I wish they did.

Chiharu and her gang walked by more than usual, and I had a feeling it wasn't just a coincidence.

Even Li-sama cast an unusual number of looks towards my direction.

A day that would've been splendid in my record had the circumstances been different. This world is too unfair. _My_ world is too unfair. Much too unfair.

What if I just died?

What if I committed suicide at this school? I don't want die at home, because then no one would find me.

I want to die here. Would anyone miss me? Would anyone cry?

I knew the answer.

No.

No one would. Well, maybe Tomoyo, but everyone else, not a chance.

The thought somehow saddened me. It brought a new wave of a feeling called sorrow I thought I would never feel again.

_No one is going to miss me… I'm unloved… in this whole, entire, world. No one loves me… no one at all…_

_Family's dead, only friend's suicidal, and… and… that's it. There are no more people. That's everyone I know in the world._

I wiped furiously at my eyes.

No… no more tears… stop… please… no more tears! No more pain! Please! No more! 

Time passed.

Till school ended. My face was of despair and the color of ash by then.

I heard happy laughter, people glad to be home.

But not I. I hid the bathroom instead so the janitor would not kick me out.

Hours passed, and when the school was silent, I walked out the stall and into the hallway. I leaned again my locker, the only thing familiar to me now, and I closed my eyes. I dreamed. I imagined…

_Another typical day at school, as Kinomoto Sakura bounced happily into school, laughing, anticipating._

"_Calm down, squirt." Touya patted my head and tugged on my pigtails. "Jeez, what a pain, going to the same school as you… it was bad enough we have to live together…"_

_I stuck my tongue at him. "Yea, yeah, girls really loooove that cold attitude you got huh? But not me brother, I see right through all that façade."_

_He grinned but said nothing. We walked into the school and he gave me a brief hug. "Well gotta go squirt. See ya at lunch time, hm?"_

"_Yup, usual place!" I hugged him tightly around the waist before we walked separate ways._

_A couple of my friends rushed up to greet me. "Hey! Sakura!"_

"_Hey guys!" I greeted happily._

"_So… have you put in a good word about me to your brother?"_

_I laughed. "You gotta do something for me here before I can do that for you, aye?"_

"_What is it?"_

"_You gotta let him know you exist first! You've never even spoken to him! How do I put in a good word like that? Besides, you know he already likes someone…"_

"_Yes, yes, our dark-haired goddess. Please, everyone knows."_

_I raised an eyebrow._

"_Till they're official, it doesn't stop me from trying! Ganbate!" She told herself, determination bright in her eyes._

_I laughed. "Well, I gotta get going the other way, see you guys later!"_

"_Bye Sakura!"_

"_See you at lunch!"_

"_Have a good day!"_

_I stopped by Tomoyo's locker. "Well? He said anything to you?"_

_She looked at me and kissed me on the cheek. "Good morning to you too." She said in her soft voice, her beautiful tresses falling down her face. It's no wonder my brother was in love with her. "He's your brother. How should I know?"_

"_He doesn't report me his romance life. Remember, I only found out about him liking you from _you_."_

_"Well, I could be wrong."_

_"You told me you saw a love letter addressed to you in his locker!"_

_"There could be another Tomoyo in this school."_

_"That my brother knows? Doubtful."_

_She winked. "But possible. Get to class hun, you're gonna be late again."_

_"Hai, hai!" I kissed the side of her face as I made my way upstairs to my class._

_School was a wonder for me, especially lunchtime, when I could spend time with my friends._

_I always spend them with my brother and Tomoyo, and a bunch of other friends that vary from day to day._

_I squeezed my brother's hand at lunch as I smiled up at him, so joyous he could be next to me._

_He raised an eyebrow. "What's with you? And stop holding my hand. People will think we're into incest."_

_But he didn't struggle, so I didn't let go. I couldn't understand why but I was so happy in that moment, just to be beside him. I couldn't stop staring at him._

_He was turning strangely… pale. Faded…_

_"Touya?"_

_"Yes?"_

_He was almost transparent. "Touya…?" There was a hint of worry in my voice._

_He began to fade. He looked worried as well._

_"Touya… Touya… TOUYA!"_

I shook my head, cold sweat pouring off.

Life was _suppose_ to be like that for me. Well, excluding the last part. I think I was sucked into my own dream world as I let my imagination do its worst. No wonder I longed for my brother so much. Because he no longer existed. No wonder he faded away. The dead will never return and stay, whether in real life, or in my dream world.

I banged my head against the locker.

"Don't do that."

I jumped. "What…?"

It was dark all around me. I see no one, but I hear a voice. A familiar, caring voice. "T-Touya…?"

"You wish." Out of the shadows he came, in his black cloth.

I looked up, at the figure I normally would be delighted to see, who only causes me disappointment now. "Xiao Lang. What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the exact same question."

I looked away, my arms hanging loosely to the ground, my legs stretched out in front of me; unfeminine. "I have no where else to go."

"You have a home."

"Home is where the heart is…" I whispered quietly, almost to myself.

"So your heart is at school?"

"My heart is nowhere…"

"Then shouldn't you be nowhere, as well?"

Angry, I stared up at him, fuming. "Are you asking me to die? I've had the shittiest day of my whole entire friggin' life and this is all you can say? Well thanks a lot, _friend_."

He was calm. "I never said you were my friend."

I chuckled bitterly. "Oh, right. I remember. Mr. "I'm-experimenting"."

"Exactly."

I said nothing to that. I couldn't be bothered and didn't want to be bothered.

I looked at the ground, ignoring him, drowning in my own sorrow, and pondering on the unfairness of life.

After perhaps ten minutes, maybe he finally cracked.

Sighing, he sat on the ground next to me. "I'm not trying to be difficult, or to hurt you."

"Could've fooled me." I replied, still not looking at him.

Perhaps he frowned, perhaps he smiled, I wouldn't know, but he suddenly said, "Tell me."

I looked at him. "Tell you what?"

"Everything."

I looked down. "There's nothing to tell."

"There is. You have more stories than anyone in this school. If they can talk, so should you."

I shook my head. "That's not true. Nobody cares about my stories. Nobody believes my stories. Nobody wants to know my stories."

"That's not true. I want to know."

"No you don't. Believe me. Even if you do now you won't once you hear it."

"Try me."

"No." I shook my head, trying to find another way out. My life story wasn't something I felt like sharing right now. "Too long."

"Then tell me what's important. Tell me why you became this way, how you became this way. Tell me what happened to Tomoyo… to… your brother."

I chuckled. "He died, and she's crazy."

"Before that. Long before… back to when you were little, to the beginning of your memories. No one is born crazy. Start from when they were healthy, when they were just like you and me."

_How long ago was that? When was the last time Tomoyo asked me to see a movie with her? When was the last time Touya called me his 'squirt'?_ I closed my eyes. "It's too long ago…" I murmured. "Besides, why do you want to know?"

He sighed long and deep. "Must I confess first before you do?"

I smiled a little. "That seems fair."

His lips underneath the black hood twitched. But it was definitely a smile. "All right. But you have to promise me. After I'm done, you'll tell me."

I swallowed. Is this fair? I wanted to know more about him, but to reveal my long, hard life… I've never done that before… would I be able to take it…? Or would I break down…? "Deal." I replied.

He leaned back. Perhaps he closed his eyes. "I was born in a rich family. All my life I was protected. Nothing bad was ever to happen to me. To make sure I wouldn't get hurt, I mastered three different martial arts at the age of seven, to protect me from emotional pain, all the girls I liked my family always brought home, and made the girls confess their love to me. I later found out most girls _did_ like me, but the rare few who didn't, were offered thousands to pretend they do.

"I grew up painlessly and confident. I loved life. Everything I wanted went my way. It was perfect… well, for a while that is. When I was maybe 13 or 14, things began to get weary. When I was young having everything I wanted was good. But as I grew older, people became sneakier, more malicious. When I was smaller the most bribery was money by my family. When I was older people planned among themselves to get to me, to use me.

"What happened in middle school was that I became the most popular guy in school, while I felt like the loneliest man on the planet. But I couldn't say I was sad. I watched people who truly suffered—like you. People I simply observed but could not approach due to my popularity. I don't like what I'm feeling right now. I can't feel pain, and I can't feel happiness—or at least very little of it. That's why I'm telling you I'm not a pain on purpose, I just can't help it. I've been this way for many years now, I'm starting to become numb. I want to know pain.

"Sounds stupid, huh. I _want_ to know pain. What a crazy ass, you must think right now. But that's the truth. You can never know true happiness till you've felt pain. Maybe that's why I'm the way I am. I can't experience pain, and I can't experience happiness. I feel like an empty void. I feel restless. When I ask myself, _what do I want?_ There is no answer. _Why am I mad?_ No answer. I feel like my existence is starting to vanish. I feel like a walking dead. I feel no importance, I have no feelings. No one has been able to trigger those… for a long time… except…"

He lowered his head a bit more. "Chiharu."

I blinked, startled. "Who the hell are you?" There was caution in my voice. Of course there were many people around the school in love with Chiharu… but the way he talks… he sounds like… I shook my head.

"Let me continue." He said gently.

"I met her during grade 9. She wasn't the Queen or anything of that sort back then. When I met her she was just a cheerleader with a bad attitude. I had very little tolerance then. If I can't stand fake people, then people who were deliberately mean and rude were unacceptable.

"In grade 9, my popularity came from my middle school, while her popularity came from her beauty, her attitude, and her being the best cheerleader this school has ever had. I knew she existed but I had no interest of meeting her—we had no classes together. Our meeting was purely coincidental. I was just walking through the hall during one lunch, trying to avoid people and live in my void, when suddenly someone slammed into me, knocking me unexpectedly to the lockers.

"You can guess I got pretty pissed off. Here I was, looking for peace, and some idiot runs into me, tempting my foul temper." He smiled. "The guy was Takashi."

I stared at him. This is starting to get really suspicious…

"When Takashi got off me I saw an angry chick standing in front of me. She looked pretty badly hurt, but it was clear she was fighting with Takashi. Takashi wiped the blood off his lips. Shoving me aside, he raised his fist again her.

"I may have been spoiled since birth, but I'm strongly against guys hitting girls. Naturally I went in his path, and took the punch for her. And what ended up happening was Chiharu and Takashi's fight ended up being mine and Takashi's fight. I didn't know the guy, and didn't give a damn about wounding him. We were both sent to the nurses and suspended for a week.

"When I came back, I saw Chiharu again in the hallway, walking hand in hand with the bastard who had just nearly beat her up a week ago! I tried to catch her eyes, and I did. She stared at me, and showed no sign of recognition.

"I got pretty ticked, and I went up and grabbed her shoulder. Surprisingly, the moment my hand made contact, she suddenly swung her own arm back and knocked me half unconscious to the ground. She said to me, 'hon, if you're looking for a thanks, you ain't getting one. That was my fight, and I oughta trash you for getting in the way. Be thankful I'm sparring you.'.

"Naturally I was shocked to the core by her response. And it was from then I began noticing her." He laughed a little. "I can't even remember what happened. Her and I had serious issues, the whole school knew, but somehow Takashi and I became friends, and I began knowing a lot about her. Did you know her and Takashi were engaged? Funny isn't it. That was what their fight was about. Neither wanted to get married since it was an arranged marriage, and both blamed it on the other. Anyhow, the more I knew about her, and more I was intrigued by her. I don't know what happened, but somehow there was a moment when we were able to have a civil chat, and somehow I slipped out about how much I hated my life, how it was becoming a void and I was fading away.

"Her eyes lit then. She told me she felt similar—well, to her an ordinary life was no life. She wanted to be above. She wanted to rule. And so begin our plan.

"Takashi and her were good friends even if both didn't want to marry the other, so naturally he was dragged into it. We wanted to rule the school. We started out nice, with our popularity we first made sure our "friend" aka followers were guaranteed to support us for _anything_ we do. Then we began to get our names known throughout the school. Pretty soon everyone knew of us and talked of us. We made sure to commit at least one act of extreme violence every week to keep the talks going, and have the fear start spreading.

"It was during the summer of grade 9, we started attacking the school's population. To get the message clearly through, we purposely got a couple of people pissed at us and turn against us. It was summer, there was no school rules to protect them. They didn't end up too well. By the beginning of grade 10, we were feared by all. Except the teachers. But, with mine, Chiharu and Takashi's wealth, the teachers too, were soon bribed easily enough to ignore our acts.

"From that point on, we began to set rules. That's how all the classes started. That's when "outcasts" were labelled and ignored. It was because of us…" he turned towards me. "Your misery in this school was ultimately caused by me…"

Normally, had someone told me that, I probably would've scratched their eyes out. But this time I didn't. My eyes felt weak. My breath quickened, my heart racing. "Li-sama…" I whispered.

He shook his head. "No. Not quite. Li-sama was the one who replaced me."

"What?"

"We ruled in grade 10 was the Kings and Queen of the school. Chiharu was leader no doubt, since believe it or but she could whip both mine and Takashi's ass in any fight. But in the middle of grade 10, enters a new kid. Li Syaoran. I never even knew that Chiharu was aware such a figure existed. But before I knew it, there was suddenly an important meeting for the leaders of the school, and Li Syaoran was there.

"'Someone has to go.' Was the first thing she said. I didn't understand what that meant at the time, so I replied stupidly, 'Okay, so tell this kid to go.' She couldn't look me in the eyes. She couldn't look at anyone in the eyes. 'For the school to have one queen and three kings,' she said, 'is too much. I want Syaoran to join us. He has much potential. Someone has to go'. It was silent all around.

"At last, I stood up. I knew then it was either me or Takashi, and Takashi was her fiancé, so it definitely me, then. 'I'll go.' I said. She nodded. She was ready for that statement from the start. She wanted me to go. She just couldn't say it. 'Goodbye, Xiao Lang'. She said.

"Had she began ignoring me from then on or something, maybe I could've felt better. But she didn't. So I couldn't hate her. Because we still talk more than occasionally, and that friendly atmosphere around her is always there when we talk, I couldn't feel sadness. She gave me a temporary thrill but it's all gone now. I am now replaced and back to square one… a void. I wanted to understand better. For a long time I wandered without an aim. Due to the fact I was a 'previous King kicked out', no one dared to speak about me.

"In the middle of grade 11, this year, I began to notice you. At first when I saw you, I thought you were just like everyone else, the medium-classers. When I found out you were an outcast, I wondered why… till I saw your friend, and you boyfriend, who I later learned was your brother. It was then I wondered to myself: most outcasts are strange and outcasts for a reason. But what does this girl feel? This girl who should not be an outcast but still is due to her loyalty to her friend and family. She must feel hatred all the time… and fear for her friends and family… err… friend and family.

"And that's why I approached you. I wanted to know what you felt. I wanted to understand, to live in your shoes, to be alive once more."

I looked down. Then I looked up at him. I guided my hand to the edge of his hood. Softly, I asked, "May I?"

He grabbed my hand. His large hand felt so warm around mine. "It's better not to, Kinomoto."

"Call me Sakura." I replied. "Why?"

"Because." Gently, he removed my hand. "Just trust me on this."

I took my hand back and held it against my heart, silent. Somehow, I had always imagined Li-sama's hands to feel like that against mine… How strange that Xiao Lang was able to make me feel this way… I shook my head. No! Stop! Why am I thinking about Li-sama? Why! My brother just… just… died because of his stupid crew! And I'm still thinking about him… Well technically it's not _his_ crew… it's Chiharu's crew…

"You okay?"

I looked at Xiao Lang, and how close we were sitting. _When did he shift so close to me? Or is that the wrong question? When did I shift so close to him…? Am I really that lonely?_ "Yes, I'm okay." I took a deep breath. "I suppose it my turn, now?"

He was gentle. I could tell he was trying hard… after all, this was so different from his usual cold self. "Yes. Take your time."

I shuddered and closed my eyes, holding my hands over my heart, where I felt so vulnerable. I took in a shuddering breath. I wanted to begin my tale. But I couldn't. No words came out.

An arm went around my shoulders. My eyes snapped open, as I stared at him.

He was smiling, at least the best he could. "It's okay…" he said.

I clutched at his black sweater, which felt so comforting now. It was my turn to tell my story…

I took a deep breath. So close against him, I felt warm. Somehow it never ceases to amaze how similar Xiao Lang and the Li-sama in my imagination is. It makes me wonder why Chiharu would abandon him for Li-sama.

My heart slowly resumed its normal beating. I had a story to tell.

And I was ready to tell it.

**-**

**If you want me to email you the next update, LEAVE YOUR EMAIL in your REVIEW!**

**-**

**Author's Note: **_Finished this in two days. The first part I wrote when I was really upset one day. Left it for 3 days, when I calmed down a bit, finished the rest. I don't know why I'm so into these "confessions" but I suppose it's because to me, everyone has a story to tell. And their life will only mean something when someone else knows._

_5258 Words._


	5. My Sorrow

**Author's Note: **_Oh wow this is rare... I just finished writing Chapter 3 and already I'm starting to write Chapter 4... I usually wait like 3 months before starting... this is certainly interesting... am I really that depressed lately?_

)**Broadway Belle**( - thx for ur concern... I'd say I'm doing... well, not good, but _better_. Yeah... the last chapter when I wrote it I was very… emotional...

)**kAliStahhz**( - Aww... thank you very much... and yes I do write very OC characters... :P what do u mean u don't read too much T-rated staries? Rating too high?

)**Light in the Darkness**( - ah, don't worry, everything will be revealed soon! Although this chapter… well… it'll be another surprise ending… but yes it is very necessary to end this way... :( you'll see what I mean...

)**Chibi-Cookies**( - mmm I've read about 7 chapters of head of heels… uhh I stopped though… it kinda dragged a bit for me...

)**broken handed**( - ah! Finally! Someone who agrees with me! Yes! CCS Saku IS much too sugary and cheerful for her own good!

)**kimi**( - well actually I kinda planned from the beginning that a lot of people is going to die in this story... :(

)**Cherry Blossom Artist**( - lol well that totally ruined everything, ne? xD Btw where were u? And how'd you lose ur keys! O-o

...-...-...-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-...-...-...

**Chapter Five**

My Sorrow

...-...-...-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-...-...-...

"You were right. Eveything you said was right. I do have more stories than anyone in this school, and I do want to tell it. I'm just too scared to. And yes, Touya, Tomoyo and I were not born this way. Back then... _way_ back then... we were healthy, normal, just like you, like him, like her, like everyone around us.

"It's difficult to remember how long ago it was when we were all just happy children... I was... 2? Or 3? It started with an incident in life. An incident everyone will have to eventually go through. What I didn't know was that from that incident on, everything would go downhill. It wasn't a glitch in life—it was the start of a nightmare.

"I was little then so I remembered very little as well. Everything began on the day my mother died. Because of my age, I couldn't understand what that meant, except for that fact that I'll never be able to see her again. That was the cause, which was going to trigger the death of my father.

"At first, being young and all—both Touya and I were—we didn't notice much. Father was upset and seemed weaker than before. But Sonomi—that's Tomoyo's mother—told us that sort of symptom was normal for someone who was going through a great loss. It was a symptom that will soon pass.

"But it never did. Father only got more and more depressed. He couldn't focus on anything, he couldn't think about anything—he was a wreck. Perhaps that's why what happened, did. When I was about six, father got into a car accident. He had ran a red light. The result wasn't pretty. It was ugly. Very ugly. Not only was he severely injured, he also slipped into a coma.

"Sometimes, when I'm in a more romantic mood, I'd like to think that he chose to go into the coma, due to his love for my mother. Maybe he did end up with her, and maybe he chose to stay with her. Whatever his decision was, he never woke up again.

"We didn't know that that time of course. Touya told me daily to have hope. I did my best to smile, to act normal. It was painful and difficult for me. What I did not know what that it was much worse for my brother.

"Touya refused to let us end up in some shelter, some place where we may be separated if a family decides to adopt only one of us. So he worked. He worked day and night to support us and to pay for dad's medical bills. His marks started slipping then. The stress was getting to him, I could tell. He was starting to look the way dad did when Mother died. I was worried. But I had such a simple mind back then. I figured since Touya didn't drive, what was the worse that could happen?

"Well, I was answered. Three years later, when dad was in no better state, when we had pretty much sold our entire house's belongings, when we were on the verge of being broke, my brother went crazy.

"He just came home, and collapsed. And when he woke up again, he started screaming at 'dad', who of course, wasn't there. I was so scared. I went to Tomoyo, because she was my best friend. Sonomi told me what happened to my brother. He was crazy. That was the simplest way to put it. At first I thought she was joking and laughed. But when she didn't laugh with me, I knew something was wrong. Sonomi told me the choices. Send my brother to an insane asylum, or I'd better start being ready to face hell.

"Well, I chose hell. I just couldn't stand the thought of leaving my brother, living without my brother. After all, he wasn't insane _all_ the time. Just most of the time. And when he wasn't insane, he was just so... incredibly sad. When he _was_ insane, he was so... angry... angry at mother and father for leaving us, for leaving him.

"At that time, I didn't think things could get any worse. I was wrong. At least back then I had the support of the Daidouji family. Tomoyo comforted me daily, telling me that thing were going to get better. It was a day I waited and prayed for, a day that never came.

"A couple of year later—maybe 3, maybe 4—but Tomoyo's father left her mother. Because for those years, to enable me to continue schooling, the Daidouji family helped out with a lot of our bills. Tomoyo and I were close, Sonomi and I were close because Sonomi and mother were best friends. But Tomoyo's dad... he didn't care much about our family. We rarely spoke, and rarely saw one another. He didn't like the idea that their money was going into other people's pocket. No, he didn't just dislike the idea; he hated it. He was angry and raged.

"Sonomi naturally defended my family first, argued about how I'm just this one little child just trying to live and get through school till I'm old enough to get a job. Tomoyo's father immediately suggested sending Touya to an insane asylum and me to a children's shelter. Sonomi fought against the idea. They argued and argued. Tomoyo was getting incredibly upset about the whole situation. But no one ever expected her father to actually leave the family. He was just... gone. Just like that. Gone with all the house's most worthy possession and withdrew all the cash from their bank. He left a note, which said, "I found another woman who can make me happier."

"The blow was horrifying for both Tomoyo and Sonomi. Sonomi especially. She blamed Tomoyo for everything. She blamed Tomoyo for having a wretched friend like me, for being so weak and useless, for being unable to be the daughter of her father's dreams. Tomoyo shattered then.

"And that was just a year before high school started. It was the beginning. As grade 8 progressed on, things only got worse for Tomoyo. It went to the point where she attempted suicide 5 different times. Sleeping pills, slitting wrist, drowning, inferno. Each time I saved her. Each time she blamed me for saving her. I told her repeatedly that things were going to get better when we got to high school. In high school there'll be new faces, faces that will not trigger painful memories. We can start over fresh there."

I chuckled bitterly to myself, thinking of my childishly hopeful lies that I told Tomoyo repeatedly. "Well it didn't. I ended up here. In a school that hated us, despised us, looked down on us. And I blamed myself constantly. Why didn't I see the pattern? Each time I felt like I couldn't take it anymore things only got worse. Why didn't I realize this was going to happen? I should've known... I should've known! I've already reached this level... a low-life, best friends with a suicidal, family to three dead people. Living in a broken home. What else could possibly go wrong?" I sniffed.

It was silent for a long while. The only thing I heard was my sniffles.

At last, hesitantly, Xiao Lang touched my shoulder. "It's going to get better from here..." he said. "I promise you."

I shook my head. "How?"

He paused. "I'll make sure you aren't an outcast anymore."

I shook my head harder. "That means nothing to me anymore... the only way you can make things better for me now, is either bringing my brother back to life, or bringing Tomoyo back to life."

He bit his lips. "I can't help you with the first one… but… I can try to help Tomoyo."

My head snapped up. I stared at him with such hope. I haven't seen such hope since I was two… could this be possible? Could life really get better from now? Could I finally reach that 'things are going to be better'? After so long… it seemed so impossible… "What will you do…?"

He thought for a bit. "I will fall in love with her."

I blinked. "What?"

He looked at me. Or, at least turned towards me. "She's unloved." He said, simply.

Frowning, I replied. "I love her very much!"

"But she doesn't know it. You two have been together forever. That's a love that's there. It's there to stay. But it's not refreshing—it's not something she'd think about.

"But if I were to come into her life now—this stranger—and show that I care, it'll be a new feeling for her. Something that will stir her heart. Something that will bring her back to life."

I was hopeful. I was beyond that. I was glowing. It could really get better from now on… if Tomoyo would just return to the way she was before… we'll support each other… till we're 18… then we'll move out together, and live together and go to university together, till we both can get a job, then we'll start looking for boyfriends, and then we'll get married on the same day… oh, it'll be perfect! Eyes glistening, I whispered, "will you do that for me?"

He looked down, and in a soft, pained voice he replied, "you told me your life story. It's the least I could do for you."

I swallowed thickly. And nodded. "You better go home now. I will speak with Tomoyo tomorrow morning and try to get her to come to school."

"Where will you go tonight, then?"

I sighed. "Who knows. Maybe I'll go home. Maybe I'll stay here."

"Don't." He replied. "Come with me."

I was so startled. "Pardon me?" No one has ever given me such an offer.

"Come home with me. You can stay with me tonight."

I pinched myself. Is this another one of my daydreams again? No… it's all very real… "Would that really be okay?"

"Sure. And tomorrow we'll visit Tomoyo together."

I took a deep breath. Normally I would've been afraid to be alone with a guy. But I was so desperate today. So lonely. It took me only a second to decide. I stood up. "Let's go."

* * *

Xiao Lang lived by himself in a three-bedroom condominium. He shrugged at my awe and simply repeated that his family was rich. _Very_ rich. 

He showed me a guest room and said I could stay there for the night, and threw me some of his pyjamas. Throughout all that time, that annoying black hood was still hung over his face.

I took a shower first. Thinking if he took it after me, when he came out, I'd be able to see his face—after all, he can't take a shower with that sweater.

Yet when I came out, I found the house empty, and the room that was supposed to be his, closed and locked.

Starring at the white, closed door, I whispered with a tad of sadness, "good night." And I went back to my room.

The place felt unfamiliar. But thinking about the person next room, I felt so much better, and fell asleep almost immediately.

_Goodnight, Touya_. I thought. Before dozing off.

--

When I woke up the next morning, Xiao Lang was gone.

I thought he was just playing with me, but when I didn't find him after half an hour, I knew the truth. He was embarrassed to be seen walking to school with me. A pang of hurt slashed at my heart, but I willed it away. Who am I to be complaining now? God what an ungrateful bitch I am. After he's shown me such generosity this is all I could think of him? C'mon… I would be embarrassed to be seen walking with me too…

With a sigh, I got dressed and headed for the door. To my surprise, I found the keys hung on the back of the door, with a note.

_Sakura, lock the door for me, will ya?_

_Let's first see if Tomoyo came to school today. If not, meet me back here at my house at 5:00._

_We'll head to her house then._

_Sorry I left early. Feel free to eat anything out of the fridge._

_-Xiao Lang_

I let out an amused and saddened chuckle. He trusts me with his keys yet he's still embarrassed to be seen with me. Oh well. Without getting any food, I left, locking the door behind me.

--

Tomoyo didn't come to school today either. Somehow, I didn't expect her to.

I didn't see Xiao Lang for the entire day. It was almost as if he was just a figment of my imagination.

When I still could not find him near the end of lunch, I slumped down in front of my locker, and wondered if I was going crazy. After all, crazy people never know they're crazy. Had Touya known he was hallucinating about mom and dad he would not have ended up… like this. I know him, and the him I knew would've fought the illusions with all his willpower. But he didn't know they were illusions. They were real to him. As Xiao Lang is real to me. Am I living through Touya's nightmare right now?

I shook my head. No. Stop. Stop thinking like this…

But what if I did start hallucinating? After all there were moments and fragments in life when Touya was aware that he was seeing hallucinations through parts of his life. He was aware any minute now he will see things that aren't real and not realize that. What would I do? I pondered.

I would die.

If a sudden realization came to me that moments of my life seconds before had all been an illusions, something made up, I'd commit suicide. After all, there's no more to live for.

How would I die?

Like Touya did.

I would fly to my grave. I will be graceful one last time, and I will fulfill my oldest dream…

_I stood at the edge of a mountain. I was exhausted from the climb. I was so high up in the sky, that around me, I see clouds. I was above the clouds. I was at the peak of the mountain, the part of the mountain marked 'dangerous'. But I feared nothing. What's the worst that can happen? I can slip and fall… but what did it matter? I will be falling in a minute from now, anyways._

_So high up, I imagine this is as close as I can get to heaven. I stretched my hands up, as high as they could go. "I'm coming Touya, ya hear me? I'm coming!"_

_A strong gust of wind came. With me on my Tipp toes, I was easily swept away. But there were no fear in my heart._

_Plunging down, I opened my arms._

_It was the most beautiful feeling ever._

_The air caressed my skin, and lifted my long auburn hair, so that they flew gracefully behind me._

_Below, people screamed, but also watched in awe. The peacefulness of my expression. My long hair above me, my beautiful white dress dancing around my body. I was like a goddess to them. As they watched, some thought a girl is about to die, but others, cannot help but to wonder if a goddess is going to land on earth. To bless them. To help them._

_I smiled gently at them, as each face passed like a blur. White doves flew around me, and I petted them._

_The ground is getting closer, but there is still time. Time to enjoy, time to fly. Time, to finally be free._

"_I'm coming, Touya…" I whispered. I only wished our school had been higher. That way when he fell he would've experienced what I'm experiencing now. "When I see you again, Touya, we'll fly through the clouds, hand in hand, forever. Without pain, without sadness; we'll be in the perfect world, with mom, and dad."_

_The ground came closer. I closed my eyes. There were only one regret. I'm sorry, Tomoyo._

_There were screams, the doves scattered, my white aura was gone as I clashed with the ground._

"Sakura?"

I blinked. I was lying on the ground. Dazed, I was too absorbed in the beauty of that fall to feel embarrassed.

"Are... you okay?"

I stared at her face. I was shocked speechless. Chiharu? Why is she... talking to… _me_?

Slowly, I sat upright. Li-sama and Takashi-sama were behind her, waiting expressionlessly. I stared back her. "Why are you talking to me?"

She seemed uncertain. "To see if you're all right."

"Bull."

"Seriously..."

"You're known for being cold, Chiharu."

Something flashed in her eyes. "I am cold, but everyone would be shaken to the core when they're the cause of a death! Goddamnit I didn't mean for this to happen... all I wanted was to save your brother... well it's too late now obviously... but I feel responsible, and I should, at least, save you."

I chuckled. "I don't need you to save me. So stop bullshitting."

She gritted her teeth and I knew it took a lot of self-control for her not to beat the crap out of me.

Yet I felt no fear. I simply felt dead. Is this what Tomoyo feels daily? But I tried to snap her out of it. I tried to save her. In a way, Chiharu is like... the old me? And I hate her now. God. Did Tomoyo hate me before?

Sighing, I said, "there is something you can help me with."

She looked at me, swallowed, then replied, "anything."

"I need you to tell me something, about a person."

"Who?"

"Xiao Lang."

She seemed puzzled. "What...? How did you know his name...?"

"What's the matter? I know he's close to you… but I want to know why did you kicked him out for Li-sama…"

She seemed genuinely confused. "What are you talking about...?"

"I mean, Xiao Lang and Li-sama struck me as very similar people, except Xiao Lang seems more... emotional. I mean, I... well... I..." I looked down, and muttered. "I like Li-sama and all… but I can't imagine why you'd replace Xiao Lang with him."

"Sakura... I think you're confused… Xiao Lang and Syaoran are the s—"

"That's enough."

I looked up. Li-sama... I couldn't help the pounding in my heart.

Chiharu looked at him suspiciously. "What are you playing at..." she whispered slowly.

"Nothing." He replied, in his monotone voice.

Something about his voice...

"Syaoran..." there was a note of warning in her voice.

"I said, nothing!" He suddenly stared at me. The way he turned... his lips as he spoke... "We've gotta get going." With one arm around Chiharu, he dragged her away without another word, without giving Chiharu enough time to even turn back.

I was left there, puzzled. Something about Li-sama...

--

I headed to Xiao Lang's place almost immediately after school, which is why I sat him front of his steps for an hour and half straight, before he arrived at the exact same time the guardian clock in the middle of a nearby church chimed.

"Talk about on time…" I muttered.

"Yo."

I looked up. "Where the hell were you today?"

He cocked his head to one side. "Around."

"Are you ashamed to be seen with me?" Suddenly I was sick of everything. Sick of being a coward.

"No..."

I gave him a look.

"Well... I..."

"And get rid of that stupid black hood. Show me your face. I sick of looking at you as a black void."

There was no hesitation in his voice this time. "I can't. Honest. For your own good I can't." He grabbed my arm, as he turned around. "Let's go."

Without being given the chance to answer, I was dragged away.

--

Tomoyo's house was no more than fifteen minutes away form Xiao Lang's. The whole way, we did not say a word to each other. I wanted to ask him so badly who the hell he really was, but the way he walked, he held his head, said, 'keep your mouth shut if you know what's good for you.'

When we made it to Tomoyo's front door, Xiao Lang stopped me. "Let me go in." he said.

I stared at him. "Why?"

"You visiting her is just another visit. She's used to them. She'll just get annoyed and ask to be left alone. I visit her, it'll be a surprise, she'll feel loved, and won't try too hard to kick me out."

As much as I hate to admit it, he had a point. Though I had known Tomoyo all my life, I couldn't save her now. It was up to Xiao Lang. "I'll wait for you outside," I sighed, sitting on the curb.

He nodded. "I'll see you later."

"Yeah…" And he was gone.

How unfair is this? I wait for him to get home and now I wait for him to save Tomoyo. How ironic. He trusts me with his keys yet he's embarrassed to be seen with me. I've never seen his face and yet I trust him to save my one and only most precious best friend. What a pair we make. I chuckled.

I expected this to be a long wait, yet Xiao Lang came out after not even five minutes, his face completely white.

"Are you okay?"

He swallowed. "Y-You... you better go see it yourself." His voice came out like an empty whisper.

My heart pounded, I raced to the house. The front door was open, and I headed straight for Tomoyo's room.

I collapsed.

Xiao Lang was right next to me. He supported me. Yet I wished he didn't. I wanted to die.

There was nothingness. I felt nothing. Shock. Pain. I willed my eyes away but they wouldn't listen. It was as if they didn't belong to me. I felt myself going into shock.

In the middle of the room, hangs Tomoyo.

**-**

**If you want me to email you the next update, LEAVE YOUR EMAIL in your REVIEW!**

**-**

**Author's Note: **_Wrote this in a period of 2 days. Though quite a gap between the two days… busy with shit and exams and crap. Kinda annoyed, pissed off lately. What happened to Tomoyo? You will find out next chapter! But yes, it WAS very necessary… I always have main events planned out (main events that lead to the end) before I start a story… and believe me when I say this is a VERY main event… About 2 more chapter and this story will end..._

_4098 words._


	6. My Wish

**Author's Note: **_Two hours since I uploaded chapter 5... I know I should be working on others stories now… like Wanted… but somehow I feel like I won't be balanced till I finish this... it's weird... most stories I can't stand for more than two days, but I enjoy writing this… maybe by writing this story it makes ME personally feel better about my own life..._

)**sakura li 19**( - Yeah, I suppose you could say a part of my life is in it. The dreaming part. The imaginations. The wild daydreams that I know are endlessly wrong yet I can't control them. I'm just a daydream like that, and that's where I get my ideas from. Though sometimes the ideas come out so twisted and I can't even stop it, and it really bothers me.

)**Broadway Belle**( - I'm really glad that you liked this story. But everything must come to an end, ne? And especially for me, I find it that I cannot write an angst story for too long, for I fear I might be so drawn into it that I cause myself psychological damage.

)**s2.koiishii.s2**( - Thank you for your concern... I believe I am doing okay… better... but if I was completely normal and happy-go-lucky I wouldn't be able to write angst stories anymore... :P

)**-ur-hearts-desire-**( - Nope, I'm not goth. Too shy to be gothic. :P Although I don't feel offended if someone thinks I'm a goth. After all, I do like both their clothing and personality.

...-...-...-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-...-...-...

**Chapter Six**

My Wish

...-...-...-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-...-...-...

I ran into the room.

There Tomoyo was, a rope around her neck tied to the ceiling light, her feet dangling above the ground.

Sobs chocked out of my mouth. I shoved Xiao Lang to the side as I tripped and stumbled to the middle of the room. Delicately, I stood on her bed with shaking legs and untied the rope. She dropped to the ground lifelessly.

"Oh, Tomoyo..." I whispered. So much pain… why…? Why is there always pain in my life? Why isn't there ever happiness? Why? Why is it so unfair? Everyone else deserves happiness, but I don't? Why? Why? WHY?!

* * *

Three days later I was sitting in the front row benches of St. Anne's Church. I was attending Tomoyo's funeral, in the exact same place that my brother's service had been performed. 

Two deaths, their dates so near to each other, it was simply too much. My eyes are dry, distant, distorted. There were no longer any emotion left in me—the tragedies that occurred in my life in such short amount of time has washed away all the feelings a human could possibly have.

Nearby, Xiao Lang sat, black from top to bottom, perfectly suitable for this occasion. He tried wrapping his arms around me, to comfort, whispering words that were supposedly to help me feel better, lighter. I did not hear him. His words were like the cries of the wind, each syllable clear, each syllable without meaning.

Things are going to be better... they will... I promise! Things will get better! 

I remember my childish hope that carried me through all these years since I was six. Nothing ever changed though. They never got better…

_Don't worry, Tomoyo, just hang on, everything will work out for the best! Things are going to get better from now on!_

Lies... all lies... all the lies I told Tomoyo all those years...

_Touya, please get better! I promise, if you get better, everything's going to be all right! Please! Onii-chan!_

All the lies I told my brother… attempting to snap him out of his daydream… but he was smart… as dreadful and hateful his visions, his imagination were, they were much better than reality. Anything was better than reality. Death was better than real—

No. Don't think like this. Tomoyo thought like this. And she...

No tears fell. My eyes are dry. Though I did feel a hint of a possible twitch beneath my bosom.

Don't end up like Tomoyo. No. Not like Tomoyo. Not like Touya.

Whatever happens, don't. Choose. Suicide.

A part of my mind began to wander... _Why? Why not choose suicide?_ It asked me.

Because. Look at what happened to Tomoyo, Touya. Bad, bad, bad.

_That's a terrible argument if I ever heard of one. Who did it really affect? Their death. Their suicide. Did it change the course of the world?_

No! But it hurts! It hurts too much! Their death, it hurts everyone, it's so painful to bear, to live through!

_It hurts everyone? Who is this 'everyone' you speak of?_

Me! I loved them! Both of them! I lived _for_ them!

_And who else?_

I looked around me. Truly. Who else? Chiharu was there, Xiao Lang's here, Sonomi's here. But no one else. Not even Tomoyo's own dad. Sadistic bastard.

_Well?_

Well, there's Sonomi!

_And?_

Chiharu!

_Does she really care?_

No. She didn't. She was here because she felt she needed to be. She felt responsible for Touya's death, in turn feeling responsible for my condition. But deep down, she didn't give a shit. Xiao Lang? He was here for me. He's here to experience pain. He's here leeching off my pain so he could find true heavenly happiness.

_Join them..._

I shook my head. Xiao Lang kissed my hair gently, but I could not feel it.

No! Not suicide! That's one path I won't go down!

_Is life really worth living…?_

No! But... but... I can't choose suicide! It's just wrong!

_Why? Your death won't cause pain for anyone… you're all alone in this world… without anyone… your death will be like the extermination of a dust mite. No body will even notice. Pain for no one, only happiness for yourself…_

No.. I... I can't... I just can't...

_Think about it. Maybe Tomoyo left to join Touya. She chose the smart path. Don't you wish to reunite with them?_

Yes... but...

_But what? You'll never see them again. Face it! They're dead, DEAD! There IS. No. Other. Way. Of. Seeing them! JOIN THEM._

... "Xiao Lang...?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you miss me?"

Confused silence. "I beg your pardon?"

"I mean, would you miss me…?"

"What do you mean…?" There was a note of suspicion. "Kinomo—I mean, Sakura… you're not thinking of—"

I hugged him tightly around the waist and buried my head in his chest. It's so wonderful to pretend someone cared.

_"It's all right," Li-sama said, touching my hair lovingly._

_It's so wonderful to have a boyfriend, to get you through times like this._

"_Sakura, please don't take this too hard! And don't do anything silly! We're always here for you, please remember that! I'm really sorry about what happened to Tomoyo, but everything will be all right! I promise! If you need anything you can come to any of our houses!"_

_Gratefully, I looked up at my circle of friends, each with worry planted deep in their eyes, watching me with concern._

_Over and over again, I repeated to myself: Do not choose suicide… don't choose the path Tomoyo chose… she committed suicide over Touya, because she loved him so much, and I'd like to, to meet up with them again in heaven, Onii-chan and Tomoyo… but I can't! If I do! All my friends would worry, and I can't do that to them… it's so tempting to forget about everything and just leave… but for them… I won't do it…_

"_Guys…" I said carefully. "Would you… miss me?"_

_"Oh, Sakura, what are you talking about? Of course not! Because you're not going to go anywhere!"_

_"Well, I mean… hypothetically speaking… if I died… would you guys—"_

_A slap._

_"HOW DARE YOU!" I looked up. Tears were running down her cheek. "HOW DARE YOU THINK LIKE THIS?"_

_"HEY! APLOGIZE TO SAKURA RIGHT NOW!" Li-sama bellowed. "HOW DARE YOU HURT HER LIKE THAT IN A TIME LIKE NOW?"_

_Gently, I held onto Li-sama's hands and kissed them lightly. "It's all right… I deserved it…" I muttered._

_She wiped at her tears as she lowered her head. "Don't do anything stupid… if you do, you'll cause pain for us all, and I won't forgive you for it… ever…"_

_Li-sama looked down at me, sorrow shining in his eyes. Softly, he said, "Yeah, Sakura, you'll cause too much pain for me to bare…"_

_Even though he was my boyfriend, even though we've spent so much time together, whispered words of love to each other daily in the past, somehow that sentence still triggered a fizzy tremble in my heart. Not uncomfortable—no, not at all! —It gave me quite a pleasure, on the contrary. It somehow meant so much hearing it from my own boyfriend._

_The thoughts of suicide faded away just like that. Nothing seemed worth it. What was I thinking? How could I possibly leave him behind?_

_"I love you Sakura… Don't ever leave..."_

_"I won't... I promise..." I sighed happily, snuggling closer to him. "I love you too…"_

"Pardon me?"

Black reality washed over me. But I didn't part from Xiao Lang's chest. For some reason it had always been so easy for me to daydream about Li-sama when Xiao Lang was near.

There was no longer pain in my chest. No longer feeling the disgust from thinking about Li-sama like I couldn't help but do when my brother died.

After all, I can soon apologize to her face to face…

I shook my head. Stop these thoughts. "Nothing…" I muttered, paused, then asked, "Do you love me?"

He was thoughtful for a while, but at last he said, "Yeah. Yeah, I think I do. I don't know why, but I think I might."

I smiled slightly. He lies. It does not matter. It gives a small measure of comfort. A tinkle in my heart that I thought only Li-sama could arouse. But Xiao Lang's voice was so masculine, his body manly, so very similar to Li-sama… I couldn't help but to be moved.

_Wouldn't it be great to be able to confess to Li-sama before my suic—Wouldn't it be great to be able to confess to Li-sama without worrying about his reaction, and how he would see me in the future?_

I shook my head. No. I won't burden him with the love of a disgusting suicidal outcast.

"Take me home..." I muttered.

"No." There was strength behind that word and it momentarily startled me. "You're not going home alone. You're coming with me."

--

I stayed at Xiao Lang's house for the next couple of weeks. I said little, ate little and cared even less. He fed me, and kept me alive like a vegetable, or a pet he adopted. The thoughts of suicide race more and more frantically through my head as each day passes. The thoughts of pain, of nobody missing me, of what life has to offer—the more I think of it the more tempting suicide seems. After all, of the million times I've told myself things were going to get better, just as it reached the point when I simply couldn't take it anymore, it simply got worse. A slap in the face. To stop greedy thoughts, to stop me from being sick of my current life, instead of reality suddenly showing me a bright surprise, it shows me a side of life so dark that I will lose my greed, and be left as an empty void. It has happened over and over throughout life.

Well, Reality, if I can't beat you, I can always leave you. After all, eventually, we all have to face it. Face the truth. Do what's best for us and for mankind.

For Touya, seeking a mother he believed to be true even if it had cost his life. For Tomoyo, to abandon all the pain in the world and chase after Touya regardless of what pain she causes me. I believe the happiness she enjoys now is greater than my pain.

But for me. My death will not affect mankind at _all_. Not even _one_ person's life, yet it'll affect my own so greatly… why not, then? There are so many reasons of why_ to_ suicide and so little reason—or, should I say no reason at all—to why I should live.

So that's what it all comes down to…

A tear slips by.

To my surprise, my eyes began to water. How long has it been since I last cried? I thought my tears had all poured out, and that I would never be able to express sadness again.

But I cry now. I cry for myself. For the life I had, and all the lives I wanted but could never have now.

All my daydreams, which I hoped so desperately would become reality one day… _one day_… the day that never arrived and will never arrive now... even if it did, it'll all be meaningless when there's not a friend in sight.

I thought back to the day, when I imagined my suicide.

It'll be the one and only daydream of mine that'll come true. Yes, it will.

--

I've made up my mind. It's now or never. Xiao Lang has taken care of me for nearly a month and half now. He's finally short on grocery. He's out. He'll be back soon. I know he will. He's concerned about me, and I am grateful. He's also afraid for me, as I have said next to nothing to him except words of madness revolving suicide. He insisted on taking me to a hospital; I told him no. My brother never went there and I won't go there either.

Getting on my feet was more difficult than it seemed. Having not stood for so long, every little movement was difficult.

I was tempted to walk out just like that, but the thought of what Xiao Lang has done for me, I just couldn't. My eyes began to sting again. Why? Am I crying for not only myself, but also of the relationship that I've never had but could've had with him?

I grabbed a pen and a piece of paper. I wrote my final note.

_Hey Xiao Lang,_

_I'm sorry, but I have to go now. I have people I love to meet, to reunite with. Thanks for everything._

_You've been great. Have faith in life; God will bless those who are good at heart._

_-Sakura_

I looked at the letter. There was something I wanted to write, but didn't know if it'd be rude. After a second thought, I revised the letter. I will leave without regrets.

_Hey Xiao Lang,_

_I'm sorry, but I have to go now. I have people I love to meet, to reunite with. Thanks for everything._

_I love you. Really, you've been great. Have faith in life; God will bless those who are good at heart._

_Did you know I cried today? I'm crying right now, actually. Not for myself but for the friendship between us that could've grown if only destiny was more merciful._

_You knew Li-sama well, did you not? Sorry to bring up a sore point, but I don't want to… leave… with regrets. If it'll make him happy, or even if it will not hurt him with disgust, please tell him I love him. I loved him all along. Despite everything. I don't even know why I love him so much, but I do. And I want him to know, only if it does not hurt him._

_Thank you for everything. Sincerely. You've done more for me than you know, than anyone has ever. I am forever grateful to you. I only wish we had met under different circumstances._

_Best of luck, and with endless love,_

_-Sakura_

I coughed weakly. Well, this is it.

--

I arrived at the tallest mountain within the city. It was so tall and handsome it went beyond the clouds. Its tip was hidden in a mysterious place above the sky that I would like to be.

I began my ascend.

* * *

I stood at the edge of a mountain. I was exhausted from the climb. I was so high up in the sky, that around me, I see clouds. I was above the clouds. I was at the peak of the mountain, the part of the mountain marked 'dangerous'. But I feared nothing. What's the worst that can happen? I can slip and fall… but what did it matter? I will be falling in a minute from now, anyways. 

So high up, I imagine this is as close as I can get to heaven. I stretched my hands up, as high as they could go. "I'm coming Touya, ya hear me? I'm coming!"

"SAKURA! NO!!"

Surprised, I spun around, maybe 10 meters away, stood that black abyss, Xiao Lang. I looked down. "How'd you know I was here…?"

"I've take psychology and anthropology. I had a feeling you wanted a more romantic death than Tomoyo, or your brother."

I chuckled. And all along I thought I was the one unlucky individual that creation accidentally looked past and forgot. So I was predictable after all. "Thank you for coming. I take it you got my letter?"

He took a couple of steps towards me, and stuck out his hand. "C'mon, Sakura, come back to my home, and we'll talk."

I smiled gently. A soft silvery wind blew by and suddenly I felt like a goddess above the clouds. I felt like I was glowing and heaven was waiting. "There's nothing to talk about... I must leave now, Xiao Lang."

"Sakura... please, don't do anything drastic…" he took a couple more steps.

I took a step back. Edge of the cliff. "Xiao Lang, please don't come any closer. We can talk where we are. If you come any closer, I'll have to jump."

He took another couple of steps. "No. You wouldn't."

"Oh?" I can almost hear my brother calling me. His voice was so gentle, so welcoming. More winds blew by, and I felt almost transparent.

"Yes. I'm confident you won't. Because if you jump, I'll jump after you."

I smiled slightly. "Such bold words. But you're the most foolish of them all, my dear. You won't jump, and I know it."

His strides came faster, and more confident. My heart began skipping beats. His arms stretched out, ready to embrace me. "Come to me, Sakura. Or we'll die together. I'll jump after you."

He was almost within two meters. I gave one last smile. The wind that just came by was much too tempting. _I belong to the sky. I am one with the sky. I belong with my brother. I belong in heaven where Touya and Tomoyo live. I will become the brightest angel._ "No, you won't."

A strong gust of wind came. With me on my Tipp toes, I was easily swept away. But there were no fear in my heart.

Plunging down, I opened my arms.

It was the most beautiful feeling ever.

The air caressed my skin, and lifted my long auburn hair, so that they flew gracefully behind me.

Below, people screamed, but also watched in awe. The peacefulness of my expression. My long hair above me, my beautiful white dress dancing around my body. I was like a goddess to them. As they watched, some thought a girl is about to die, but others, cannot help but to wonder if a goddess is going to land on earth. To bless them. To help them.

I smiled gently at them, as each face passed like a blur. White doves flew around me, and I petted them.

The ground is getting closer, but there is still time. Time to enjoy, time to fly. Time, to finally be free.

"I'm coming, Touya…" I whispered. I only wished our school had been higher. That way when he fell he would've experienced what I'm experiencing now. "When I see you again, Touya, we'll fly through the clouds, hand in hand, forever. Without pain, without sadness; we'll be in the perfect world, with mom, and dad."

The ground came closer. I closed my eyes. There was only one regret. I'm sorry, Xiao Lang.

_A pair of arms grabbed me from behind._

_"Xiao Lang!" I cried, shocked that he would actually keep such a fatal promise._

_"Sakura..." he muttered. "I never break a promise."_

_As we accelerated towards the ground, the wind only became strong._

Air strips one to the core, and reveals all their secrets... 

_At last, the wind revealed his true identity. It blew his hood back, and his handsome face was revealed._

_He wrapped his arms tightly around my waist, as my hand went to my mouth. "Li-sama!"_

_He shook his head. There was sadness in his eyes. "I tried to tell you. But I was too late. I tried to get you to stay. We could've been in love."_

_I buried my face in his sweater. "We will be in love… we'll be in love in heaven..."_

What a nice way to end things.

My final dream was thoroughly and romantically lived through.

I spread my arms, wanting to enjoy the breeze.

Except I couldn't. There was blackness around me.

"Oh my god..." I muttered, clawing my way up the black sweater. "Oh. My. God."

"Syaoran..." I muttered.

That wasn't a dream.

He looked down at me. There was such sadness in his eyes, in his handsome features. For me? He gave a sad chuckle. "I thought we just covered that... and now we're on a crashing course to heaven."

"No..." I muttered weakly, desperate. My heart was racing at the speed of light. "No... no... no... NO!!! NO! SYAORAN!! NO!! THIS CAN'T BE!"

"Sakura... what's the matter?"

"DAMN YOU!! SYAORAN! YOU CAN'T DIE!" All of a sudden, reality crashed upon me. I'm about to be his cause of death. The man I've loved for so long will be murdered by me. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? DAMMIT!!" Despite the situation, all I could think of was he. How he couldn't die. How I wish I could stop gravity... If I had the chance to condemn my soul to hell in exchange for his life, I'd do it.

"Sakura... I tried to tell you... at the cliff... but you wouldn't let me—"

"NO! DAMN YOU!! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME EARLIER?" Tears poured out of my eyes as they splattered around us and brushed by his cheeks. "NOW WHAT? HUH?!?! YOU CAN'T DIE! AND HOW COULD IT BE YOU? XIAO LANG?!? I THOUGHT SYAORAN _REPLACED_ YOU!!!"

He frowned. "I didn't want to tell you… because I knew of your obsession with me… Everything I told you were true… except the part when Syaoran replaced me… I didn't want you to know I was the man of your dreams, because otherwise you would've treated me differently… I wanted to know you under normal circumstances, I wanted to see if you'd like me for who I am, not just your dream version of me."

"WHY?! YOU'RE SO FOOLISH!! AND LOOK WHERE IT LED US!! YOU'RE DYING DAMMIT! DYING!! WHY AREN'T YOU WORRIED?!?!"

"You weren't worried when you jumped off… what's wrong now?"

The tears, they won't stop. The desperation in my heart, they won't end. "BECAUSE OF YOU! I CAN'T LET YOU DIE! OH GOD! SYAORAN! I LOVED YOU FOR SO LONG! SO DEEP AND SO PASSIONATE IN A WAY YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND!! I CAN'T LET YOU DIE!! I'VE ONLY WANTED YOU TO BE HAPPY!!!"

He was sad. "Why, Sakura, why? Why don't you want happiness? TELL ME! Why is it that you must suffer? Why don't you ever try to achieve happiness for yourself?"

"BECAUSE I DON'T DESERVE IT!"

His voice was soft. "Why? Why would you say that?"

The tears. They just won't stop! I thought I had cried myself dry? Why? Why? WHY? "JUST BECAUSE! I WAS BORN CURSED! I WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE HAPPY!"

"That's not true Sakur—"

"YOU'RE SO STUPID!! WHY DID YOU JUMP AFTER _ME_? STAY WITH CHIHARU! SHE MAKES YOU HAPPY!!!"

"She makes me excited… but I don't love her… because I never knew love till I met you… I saw and felt your pains and I felt your longing for Li-sama, me, and your wanting of Touya to come back to life, your lack of parental love, and your genuine love for Tomoyo. It infected me, Sakura. I felt love, and I know what it's like now. I love you, Sakura. I love _you_."

No... no... this is too good to be true… I must be dreaming… dreaming… NO! FACE IT SAKURA! FOR ONCE FACE REALITY!!

My eyes cleared. I wrapped my arms tightly around Syaoran and kissed his hair. "God, I love you so much… I know you lie to me to make me happy, and I thank you. I'm just so glad I was able to have spent so much time with you… Syaoran, honestly, I don't even know why I love you so much, but I want you to know that my love for you is infinite. I can't even fathom it, and I don't know why… but it's just the way it is. But you have to live, understand? Chiharu makes you happy, I know she does. I know you love her, I just know it. And that's all I ever wanted, for you to be happy. Watching you from afar before was enough, this is already must beyond anything I could ever hope for."

"Sakura I—"

My face was splattered with endless tears. "GOD! IF YOU EXIST! PLEASE! THIS IS MY FINAL WISH! PLEASE SAVE SYAORAN!!! YOU CAN'T LET HIM DIE! YOU JUST CAN'T!!!"

All of a sudden, our downward acceleration stopped.

There was pain at the tip of middle and index finger. I opened my eyes.

I smiled through the tears. My final wish came true. For once it did.

By some miracle, an odd tree was sticking out of the side of the mountain, and it had caught the hood of Syaoran's sweater.

He was gritting his teeth, desperately clinging onto my fingertips. "Hang… on…" he growled.

My heart stopped racing. My tears stopped falling. I smiled gently at him. "Syaoran. I'm happy now. My final wish came true. It's okay now… you can let go... I have no more regrets."

"Goddamn you don't you understand? I love you. Whether you believe it or not I do love you and I won't let you die as long as I'm alive!"

"Syaoran... please... You don't have to lie to me anymore…" With one last smile, I pried my fingertips out of his grasp.

"SAKURAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"

There were screams, the doves scattered, my white aura was gone as I clashed with the ground.

Everything's going to be okay... won't it, okaa-san... otou-san... Touya? 

**-**

**If you want me to email you the next update, LEAVE YOUR EMAIL in your REVIEW!**

**-**

**Author's Note: **_Gosh I'm a little sad actually. I have a TON of stories but this is the only one that sets a mood like… well, this. So tragic. Every time I'm writing Face it! I feel like I can let my own stress out._

_It was kinda weird today… basically what happened was my friend and I were in charge of keeping everyone out of the computer lab. They wouldn't leave. We decided to keep shutting down their comp every time it loads to kick 'em out. But they won't leave. And when my friend was trying to turn off one of the comps, two guys ganged up on her! She's not weak or anything, and I know she could take them on prolly if she wanted… but I don't know what raced in my head… except I just suddenly snapped. Maybe it's 'cause she's so petit and the guys seeing like they were literally smothering her or something, or maybe it's 'cause she just looks like my cousin, and I love my cousin very much, who unfortunately I haven't seen for years now ever since I moved to Canada… but the rage in me just exploded. I couldn't even control myself. Just seeing that I walked up and shoved one of the guys to the group and slapped him, and I just started screaming at him, about how low it was, what he did, teaming up on one girl… I don't know what happened, but I just couldn't control myself. It was just so mad when I saw that…_

_Thinking back I may regretted a bit… I don't even know why am I so sensitive, so protective of her… just 'cause she looked so innocent and small like my cousin? Who knows. Maybe I did overreact, but I honestly could not control my rage in that one moment. Was it right, what I did? To stand up for a friend like _that_? Or should I have left her because I knew she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself? Gosh. The last time I snapped like that it was back in grade 8, about… 3 years ago. I can't believe it. Again. I've snapped twice in my life to the point when I'm just fearless. I'm rather weak and cannot fight, so usually I try not to get into arguments with people. But the twice I snapped, the anger just overwhelms everything, and I can't control myself. The fear evaporates and the only thing in my head is making this person pay, as if nothing else mattered._

_God. My head is racing with thoughts. Should I regret what I did? Should I apologize? Should I feel proud I'm so loyal to my friends? I don't know. All I know if I don't want to face those stupid guys in the class anymore. Not scared… just… I can't describe it. Just wish it never happened. Just wish those idiots didn't keep coming back and taking advantage of my comp teacher like that. Just wish I never have to see them again. But how could I when I sit in front of two of them in one class, one's locker is beside mine, and one I sit next to in art?_

_And I guess in the end what really kinda ticks me off was when I found out that the friend of mine, ended up thinking this whole thing as a "gossip". She went off and told everybody and it, and how I overreacted and that she wasn't even hurts. That my actions were so unnecessary. The first time in my life I snapped for myself. Second time I snapped it was for her. And this is her reaction. Gee. Thanks._

_My mind is racing. I just want to forget… not regret… Regret is the most useless word in the English dictionary, after all._

_Lesson learnt? Who knows._

_I shall stop; after all, this isn't an online journal._

_Srry for the extremely long A/N and short and crappy chapter. 5222 words._


	7. Face it!

**Author's Note: **_Currently 10:40pm. Got school tomorrow at 9:00 am. I'm SO not gonna be up for it... have decided to change my sleeping schedule... since I absolutely cannot work till after 12:00, and sleeping everyday at 3:00am isn't healthy for school, I'm currently going to bed daily around 5-7pm and waking up at around 3-6 am. Then work. Get to school at 8:00am – ish. Work till the bell rings at 9:00am. Working quite well, except I'm now playing video games in the morning. Christ. What am I ever gonna do with myself?_

_You also might notice a change in my style of writing in this chapter. I'll explain why later._

)**Cherry Blossom Artist**( - I know what you feel... I was really shy before... but someone I just can't stand people being bullied... when it happens, I just lose all self-control, I forget all consequences. Some see that as a good thing to be able to defend your friends... I see nothing wrong with it either... but I've been betrayed by friends before, and now I prefer to just stay on the sideline most of the time... Of course I end up losing the battle to my emotions most of the time... and don't worry, I don't think you're ranting at all... :P

)**To'xx'y.**( - Wow. Thank you so much. That means the world to me... to know that I was able to deliver emotions through successfully. Thank you for letting me know.

)**Frosted BlossomZ**( - Ah, thank you for your support... and don't worry, I think I need to be lectured once in a while… X.x

)**DEVILZ CHIK**( - Lol nice to know I'm not the only one... :P Actually I got really pissed of at a lot of people who were taking advantage of this really REALLY great teacher of mine... Except I couldn't yell at them since they were so bloody fuq-ing ignorant… they take advantage of my computer being nice and spends all their time playing this stupid game CS... so my friend and I crashed our school network so everyone's computer froze... I think I get devilish too often... and you're right... most likely they won't be able to talk as they fall 'cause I've been on drop zone and hell I could hardly keep my eyes open... so unless they've been on drop zone many times and grew immune to falling it's unlikely they could carry out a conversation... I just though it would be kinda romantic that way… - Mmmmm if it's caught on Syaoran's hood that means the weight of his body will be concentrated on under his arm pit mostly because when you pull up that part gets caught first... so no, he wouldn't be hung to death... :P It'll definitely grow uncomfortable but I don't think he'll be killed from it...

)**Amy Ishida**( - I suppose it is a bit cheesy... but what I had in my mind that time was that Sakura was sort of living in more of a dream world that the real world... she's became almost too much a romantic...

...-...-...-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-...-...-...

**Epilogue**

Face it!

...-...-...-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-...-...-...

It was a miracle that Li Syaoran could be saved on that day. He screamed for all he was worth and finally, a helicopter came down and rescued him. To his surprise, the moment he stepped onto that plane, he was embraced by Chiharu. He said nothing, simply told her he was all right, and went home. 

He never took a step out of his condo for two weeks straight.

He didn't cry. He didn't celebrate. He simply couldn't process without her.

The feeling, it was so alien to him. To lose someone whose love you felt you've denied forever, it a strange feeling indeed. He didn't know what to feel. He didn't know how to respond, how to react, and how to bring her back to life.

Li Syaoran only stepped out of his house two weeks later, to attend her funeral.

At her—Kinomoto Sakura, the outcast of school, daughter to dead parents, sibling to a crazy brother, and best friend to a suicidal girl—funeral, he dressed in black, with a black hood hung over his face. He sat alone at the very back. He saw Chiharu and Takashi searching for him at the front seats, yet he remained silent and said nothing. He hid from their view and avoided them. For some reason, he really did not wish to speak to anyone—even his closest friends—right now.

Many people came to the funeral, mainly because Sakura's death has become part of the media.

Chiharu, Takashi, a woman who looked like Tomoyo's mother, hundreds of classmates, and him. Because Sakura did not have any more family members left, Li Syaoran paid for the ceremony and her grave—in secret, of course. Everyone thought her grandparents did, though little did they know, her grandparents has not spoken to her family since her mother married her father.

The ceremony was short, and brief. There was nothing to be said about her. There were pain and disbelief in everyone's heart that someone could've went through such a life without going insane. But her case was so rare and unusual people did not know how to respond. They each said a simple "I'll miss her", and they each went home, after laying a bouquet of white roses.

Li Syaoran once again isolated himself from the world. He did not answer phone calls, and he shut his curtains. He ignored doorbells and ate whatever he had within his home.

_Why shouldn't I die? It's not as if my death would mean anything..._

Oh, how wrong she was. How foolish she was. She thought she was sacrificing nobody's happiness for her own, yet she was so wrong. Had she only known she would drive the only boy she's ever loved insane... if only she could've seen this pitiful result. The result of her boy because of her death; maybe she would've hung on. She would've grabbed onto that thread of life and would have never let go.

But she was so foolish... so naïve... so depressed and blinded by the many deaths that flashed by so quickly.

Li Syaoran listened to loud rock music all day, as he stared blankly at the walls. The songs looped through and through, over and over again. They didn't drive him mad, for he already was. They didn't annoy him because he couldn't hear them. His eyes were grey, his mind lost.

It was a feeling he never felt. It was feeling he was trying not to feel.

Unsure of how many days has passed, Li Syaoran suddenly bolted out of bed one day with the thought: _Hey, I wanna visit Sakura today! That cute girl I met, life as an outcast sure is hard. Maybe I can take her out and give her a treat! Didn't she say she had a crush on me or something...? This will surely make her day!_

Then suddenly he remembered.

_I'm never going to see her again... Never..._

And at last, the truth sunk in. She was gone. Forever. Death isn't a video game. What's happened has happened. He'll never see her again. Never speak to her again. Never comfort her again, and never feel her again.

A tear slips down his cheek.

_Never..._

What a cruel word.

With great effort, he sat up and walked to his door. He wiped at his cheeks and blinked his eyes. _I'm going to visit her the only way I can…_

--

He looked a mess and he knew it. The florist thought he escaped from the metal hospital, and people on the street saw him and walked on the other side. But he couldn't have cared less.

He had a goal—finally—and he won't be able to do anything else, till he achieves it.

--

Syaoran stopped in front of a grave. He laid the huge bouquet in front of her grave. Hands in his pockets, eyes staring at the grave as if Sakura sat there, he whispered, "You were so foolish, you know that? You are a romantic born in the wrong era. A believer mixed with the wrong people. A girl with dreams that weren't allowed to flourish. You're the most tragic of all cases.

"You were wrong when you thought things were going to get better. You were wrong when you thought your brother would turn over a new leaf. You were wrong when you thought Tomoyo wouldn't be affected by your brother's death. But most of all, you were wrong, when you thought no one would be affected by _your_ death." He hung his head lower, so that his hair covered his wet cheeks.

He voice began cracking, but he kept talking. "Look at me, dammit, do I look unaffected? You thought I was Li Xiao Lang and you told me about your obsession with, well, Syaoran, me, and yet you do this to me. You told me you'd do anything for Syaoran and all you ever wished was for him to be happy and not experience pain. Well look at me, dammit, look at me! Don't turn away! Don't run away from problems! FACE IT! Look at me and tell me, do I look happy to you? You think you were so smart, so right, didn't you? Thinking if you just escaped all your problems they'd go away... Well you were wrong. So damn wrong. You just made things worse. You're making my life a living hell. God. Crazy girl. You don't bloody confess all your pains to someone then not take their advice! If you knew you wouldn't let me influence your final decision, why the hell did you pour your heart out to me? If only you didn't, if only I never met you. IF ONLY THE GODDAMN SCHOOL WASN'T SO GODDAMN SELFISHLY BLIND!

"God. Why didn't you believe me? When I told you I loved you? Why does one never question hate yet always question love? Had I said, 'Sakura, go die, I hate you!', you would've believe it without hesitations. Yet when I said 'Sakura, I love you, don't die!', you denied it, called me a liar and said I was fakin' it. Why? Why do you deny love not hatred? Why do you think everyone hates you so much? Christ, and why am I saying this? Me, one of the Kings of the school, one of the people who made you and your friends' life a living hell. Christ. I'm disgusted with myself just thinking about it. Is this what you wanted? Is this your punishment for me? Huh, Sakura, huh? Me saying I'm sorry isn't enough, is it. The only punishment that's suitable for me is to have me walk around the rest of my life ashamed of myself. Is that it, huh? Is that it? Well, you're right. You're so bloody right and that's what pisses me off the most. This pain, this guilt, this lifeless life, I deserve it. For all the shit I've done in my life and shit I caused for other people. This is a suitable punishment.

"God. When I ask myself, do I love you? Love you like I want to marry you and live a life with you? Honestly, I don't know. All I know if that I can't live without you. You've affected my life too much. And I mean c'mon, there has to be some other love, other than romantic love. Other than the love that makes you want to have sex with the person or something. After all, isn't that the shallowest of all loves? If you had only listened to my advice, and stayed alive, I would've loved you forever. Maybe I'll marry somebody else, but I'll definitely take care of you forever. You became so fragile in my eyes. I only wanted to take care of you. But of course, you denied everything. But I guess maybe you're happy now. Congratulations! Congratulations for helping me realize what happiness and love is! I suppose in some twisted way... I prefer having realized what love is after losing it, than being in love forever without ever realizing it.

"What am I saying here? I think I've gone insane!" He chuckled lowly. Droplets dripped onto the ground. "I'm a mess right now. I don't know why you affect me so. You're just so... different from everyone else... your life... it has feeling, it has a touch to it. Oh my… think I shouldn't talk anymore... I'll be going home now Sakura... Hope you feel guilty in your 'heaven'. I hope you're suffering with me."

Abruptly, he turned around with quick strides. But he paused after 3 steps, and turned back around reluctantly. Softly, he said, "I... I didn't mean to blame you. I didn't mean to wish you to suffer. Don't suffer. You suffered enough here. I was just mad... please, be happy, and know that despite what you did, despite the pain you're causing me..." He turned to face her grave fully. "Sakura, I lov—"

A soft, confident voice sudden rung. "There you are."

Surprised, Syaoran spun around quickly.

Behind rows of gravestones, came Chiharu. Dressed in a cute plaited beige skirt, black top, black boots, with a white scarf around her neck. She'd never looked so cute. "I knew I'd find you here... eventually."

Syaoran wiped at his face subconsciously, erasing all possible traces. "What if I never came?"

Confidently, she replied, "I know you better than you think, Syaoran."

She took a couple of steps till she was standing right next to him, and she bent down and laid another bouquet next to Sakura's gravestone.

She straightened, looked at him in the eyes and tried to smile. The air was chilly and her nose was beginning to turn pink. "How are you?" She asked sincerely.

"Been better."

"Would you... like to... come to my house?"

He raised an eyebrow. "And then what?"

"I don't know... talk?"

"Puh-lease. Chiharu, I know what you mean, and everyone else in the school knows it. You're all slut and sex."

Her eye twitched. "How dare you! You of all people! You know me better than that! I am that way to control the school, it's not my true nature!"

He didn't deny it. Instead, he said, "Do you still want to rule the school? To continue school as the Queen?"

She chuckled sadly. "I don't think I can anymore... not after all that's happened..."

"But do you want to?"

She looked at the gravestone, and lowered her head so that her scarf covered her lips. "I don't know what I want anymore..." She chuckled again. "Takashi, you and I. The Queen and Kings of the school. Just a powerful title, yet when it really comes down to it, the only one who really knew what they wanted in life was... well, _her_." She gestured at the gravestone. "You'd think people like us, powerful, natural leaders, would have our lives set out, with divine goals in our mind. Yet we're nothing. Not compared to her."

Chiharu took a deep breath and sighed. Her breath came out in a puff of smoke. "Syaoran... I know this might not be the most appropriate time, but seeing what happened to her, knowing her regrets… I feel I must tell you something..."

He turned to look at her. The girl he thought he admired all his life. The girl he wanted all his life. Yet at that moment, he suddenly realized how shallow he was. Want. Ownership. Lust. They would never be as strong as love.

"I love you... I really, really love you..." A smile blossomed on her face, as she leaned in to kiss him.

He hesitated.

She came closer.

He made up his mind.

Smiling lightly, he put his hands on her shoulders.

He squeezed her shoulders gently.

And he pushed her away.

"You've got Takashi." Was all he said.

She looked so pained, so hurt.

"It's true Takashi and I are engaged, but we have realized that our marriage was forced. We'll still be friends. If we still love each other and want to marry each other, we'll accept the engagement. But clearly I have fallen for someone else." She frowned. "I thought you loved me... you flirted back with me in school, you let me touch you, and I saw the lust in your eyes when you saw me... I know of the many times you've fought over Takashi because of your feelings for me... so why won't you accept me? Why? Is it because... of _her_?!"

"Chiharu, I lusted for you. I wanted you more than I've ever wanted any woman. But I realize the foolishness of that now. Stupidity of youth. You're my friend and I'll protect you. I'll never let anything happen to you. But..." He turned away from her, and took a deep breath. "Chiharu, let me finish what I was saying to Sakura before you came."

Smiling lightly, and with a hand touching the cold gravestone, Syaoran said, "Sakura, _I love you_."

And Chiharu felt her heart break.

--

Later, back at home, all alone, outside of his condominium, Syaoran sat by the steps, watching the night sky. It was a cloudy night, shielding all the stars. "Well, Sakura, you were so sure I would be happier with Chiharu than you. Well, you see how wrong you are? Do you finally see? Do you finally believe me now? You had such low self-confidence, silly girl. Well, now I proved it to you, didn't I? Do you finally believe me now? Do you? I hope you do! Because, Sakura..."

He took a deep breath. "I LOVE YOU!!" The night echoed, as Syaoran laughed. He felt all sense of sanity has left him and it wasn't a bad feeling. The feeling that you no longer cared about anything in the world but that which mattered to you the most; it felt wonderful.

In the days to come, he knew he would take care of Chiharu, he would make sure she was okay, but he knew he could never love her the way she wanted him to. That didn't mean he wouldn't love her, of course.

Because of _her_, he felt human. No longer a spoiled brat without a trace of emotions.

Because of _her_, he has grown up; he was a mature young man, no longer simply a hazard to society.

Because of _her_, he learned to care for others.

Because of _her_, he finally knew what love was, and is.

All because of _her_.

Feeling slightly feathery and light, Syaoran walked back into his building, finally prepared to face life once more.

As he disappeared, a star in the sky twinkled.

THE END

**Author's Note: **_I really don't know what the say. Somehow the ending didn't come out quite as I expected. I had something TOTALLY different in mind._

_Anyhow, onto explaining the sudden change of style. Well, actually there is no explanation. Read "My Friend Leonard" by James Frey and you'll understand. That book touched my soul. Especially since the people were all real. That book was just raw emotions. It may seem rather long for some of you, but I guarantee it. If you'll read to the very end, it's worth every second you lost to the book._

_Also, I want to thank everyone for your positive comments. I was in a major depressed mood last time at what I did... but you guys really made me feel better. It might not sound as if my psychology has improved any but I believe it has. At least I'm not scared to face that guy anymore..._

_Well, this is the end of Face it!. Thank you for everyone who's read it, thank you for everyone who's reviewed. It means the world to me. Thank you for being so supportive through my emotional traumas. Thank you, thank you, thank you._

_As always, everyone on my author alert list will be removed. However if you'd like me to email you for Wanted or Till we Meet Again or I Dare You, you'll remain on my list._

And this time I won't upload a new story as I've got others to finish. Xx Expect a chapter for Wanted as my next update (finally). That is all. Thank you everyone so much! 

_Final word count:_

_3000 words (half of it is like A/N :P)_


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